Collision of Worlds
by The Romanticidal Edwardian
Summary: Full story of The Alone and the Lonely! Bella Swan is surprised when lonely actor Edward Masen steps on her hand in a book store; she's even more surprised when he sits down next to her. Before to after the one-shot. Lemons. And plot. Sometimes. On hiatus
1. Arrogance of Youth

_The full story for the one-shot The Alone and the Lonely. Including before, during, and after the happenings in the one-shot. I know most of you who read the one-shot are eager for the 'after' parts, but I definitely think I need to start from the beginning, to elaborate and set up the story. Enjoy!_

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Edward's POV

_There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?_

**War of the Roses **by Danny Devito

The ceiling fan whirled over my room as classic rock drifted softly from the turned-down stereo, so that all I could hear was the voice coming through my headphones.

"Hey Austin," I interrupted suddenly. The friend's face on my computer raised an eyebrow at me. His movements were slowed down, since my web cam wasn't the best. I would have to consider getting a new one soon, before all this was said and done. I'm sure my mom would appreciate being able to talk to me sometimes. She could have this one, if she wanted. "Your uncle sent the money right?"

"Yup," said the voice in my ear proudly, though on the screen his mouth moved a second behind the words. "And when we get to New York, he'll give it to us and give us room and board for free, however long we'll be there."

I nodded. "Okay. And Roger's relatives are willing to help out too, when we go to Florida?"

He chuckled with delight. "They've already bought the Universal passes for us."

"Awesome," I grinned. "And Mack's grandparents?"

"Have already starting primping the surf boards."

"Perfect. That should mean almost everything is done now, right?"

I watched as the grainy particles of the image changed in hue and shadow as he moved, shifting in his computer chair and nodding. "Yeah except…have you told your mom yet?"

I stared at the screen a moment before I swore under my breath. "Damn! No, I still have to do that. But you know how she is…I don't know how to bring it up. Especially with college so near, anything that comes near constituting her 'little baby leaving her!' makes her cry." I frowned.

Austin's expression gradually turned worried. "You don't think she won't let you go, do you?"

I grinned reassuringly at him. "Nah. I mean, she's always been cool with out of town trips before. Like remember when we went to Mack's grandparent's beach house last summer, in Cali?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, but that was only two weeks and she always knew where you were. Plus, you actually told her beforehand. _More _than a two and a half week notice, which is what it would be if you told her like, right now dude."

I shrugged too. "Well, I'll tell her when I'm done packing tomorrow."

"Why are you packing so early again?" he asked me skeptically.

"Because if I don't do it early, I'll end up never doing it," I said impatiently. "I'm a procrastinator by nature, so I'm trying to change that."

"Changing that…tomorrow, right?" He grinned at his little procrastinator joke.

I chuckled. "Yeah. _Tomorrow, _I'll start."

--

"Damn it," I muttered under my breath, dropping to my stomach quickly as I shone my flashlight under my bed. "Now I understand why mom always wants me to keep this place clean..."

Looking for the things I wanted to pack was taking longer than anticipated. I had thought that maybe it would only take half an hour to sort out what I did and didn't want to take with me. And that would've been easy too - if I had a clear idea of what all I had. As it stood, my room was just a disarrayed mess.

I wished Austin had asked me _now _why I was packing two weeks in advance. My answer was much better than it had been. Because if I didn't, then I'd never be done in time! This was ridiculous...I needed to develop more meticulous cleaning habits.

I was getting concerned though. My mom wasn't home yet, still at work, but when she was I was going to have to tell her about the trip. But, really. Two weeks notice was _plenty _of time. It seemed that way to me. Already, that two week milestone was stretching out forever in front of me, close but never in reach. The clocks were slowing down because they just _knew _how badly I couldn't wait for this.

I sighed, giving up for the moment of trying to hunt under my bed for whatever might be under there that I could possibly take. I decided to work on clothes next.

As I went on vacations often - though, my mom was usually with me - I had quite a bit of suitcases and other various luggage containers. I decided though that since this was a road trip, I shouldn't pack _that _much. Two suitcases would suffice. One would hold clothes and one would hold personal items.

My drawers were messy, my clothes just thrown in it, but my closet at least had some semblance of control. Everything was hanging up neat in it. Courtesy of my mother.

I threw two fair sized suitcases from the back of my closet on to my bed, the sheets still crumpled from where I had neglected to make them when I got up this morning. I opened them, just so that if I should come across any items in my closet that needed to go into the second case, it'd be all ready to go.

I walked over to my stereo and turned up the station I was listening to louder, allowing myself to get lost in the music instead of the task I was trying to accomplish.

The hard part was deciding how much of each thing to take. Because, how long would we be staying in each place? It seemed I should save my shorts for the beachy places we were going, but how many to bring? And, how many jeans for the northern places? Should I take a couple nicer shirts, or would they ever really be necessary? In the end, I started just putting a little bit of everything in the cases, hoping that my guestimations would be good enough. The suitcase started getting a little too full though, and with a groan I realized that I was probably going to have to _fold _the clothes. Great. That really wasn't a strong point of mine.

I didn't realize my mom had gotten home until she spoke from the doorway.

"What...what is this Edward?" she asked slowly. I paused the task of putting my keyboard in it's case. There was no way I could leave it behind. Who knew how inspired I might get on our travels? My head twisted to look at her.

"Huh?" I asked, an automatic response. I'd heard what she said. I tried to calm myself, knowing that this was the moment I'd been dreading. I would have to tell her the news nonchalantly, because if I made it sound like a bigger deal than it was, she would just panic. Also, I had to be very careful to phrase this so there was no doubt that it _was not _a question. I was eighteen, and could make my own decisions. She had to be aware of that. She was my mother, and I loved her, but there comes a point in life where all parents must relinquish their absolute control. "Oh...well me and some friends were going to do some traveling over the summer." I shrugged, showing her that this was definitely not something to freak out over, if that's what she was thinking. "No big deal."

Her brow furrowed anyway, and I resisted the urge to grimace. "And when were you planning on telling me?" she demanded. Her hands went to her hips, and I wanted to sigh. Not a good sign.

"Soon," I told her. I could've said "when you got home" but I doubt she'd believe that answer if I told her it, despite the fact that it was true. She'd just think I was trying to console her. "I'll be back before college starts, I promise." There. Hopefully that would put her mind at ease.

No such luck.

"Young man," she snapped, and I frowned at her. "I don't know how old you think you are, but you don't just get to make these kind of decisions on your own. And especially without talking to me or...or anything! What did you think you were going to do? Just pack and go? No informing me, no setting this up and planning out, no contingency plan? If you wanted to do this, you should've told me and started planning it months ago." I opened my mouth to interrupt her, to tell her we _had _been planning this out for a while now, but she didn't give me the chance, cutting me off before I even began. "As it stands now, I'm not going to let you go. There's too much you could get up to, you're not old enough, or mature enough. Sex, drugs...at least wait until after college. You'll be home free then," she said sarcastically. I knew she was saying it like that because she was hurt, but I shoved that knowledge aside. Feeling guilty would not be very beneficial to me.

As it was, I was horrified. There was no _way _I couldn't go! I had been such a big part of the planning, I'd been the one to set the whole affair up, I was the most excited for it. This wasn't _fair._ She didn't get it at all. "No mom," I said, my voice stammering in my alarm. "We already planned this. I _have _to go. I swear we won't get up to no good, and we'll be too busy with college soon to go do _anything_. This is our chance." _Why can't you just understand and butt out? _I thought desperately in my head, though I was much too smart to ever say that out loud.

"I said no," she said angrily. "I can't believe this of you Edward. You're usually so much more mature."

"Exactly!" I shouted. I rarely lost my temper, and never with her, but this was ridiculous. She was being a tyrant; making something out of nothing. This wasn't how this supposed to go. She didn't _understand_. "I am mature! I can do this! And I'm eighteen mom. I'm an adult."

"You're also living under _my_ roof," she said pointedly.

I froze completely and just glared at her. She gazed back evenly, the same determination to win inside of her as it was in me. Her argument was true, but still stupid. I mean, I was old enough to get my own place. I was going to soon anyway, when I moved into a dorm. I didn't _have _to be here, and according to her own logic, if I wasn't I could do whatever I wanted...

The light bulb clicked on over my head then, and I unfroze, letting myself smile in victory. Mother's expression was shocked, and I chuckled internally. I win. "You're right mom," I said submissively. "I am living under your roof, which means I follow your rules."

I watched as she narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Yes..." she said slowly. I was surprised she wasn't catching on, but I definitely wasn't going to inform her.

I shrugged, setting down my keyboard, and said nothing. I could tell she was still suspicious, and she glared at me for a few more moments before hesitantly turning and leaving the room. I could feel my eyes flash the moment she turned away.

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Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best.

**Chinese Proverb**

Only three days after that did I take my already packed bags down to the Greyhound station, and board the bus. Mom was still at work. I didn't want any tearful good-byes, or have her trying to convince me not to go. It would only take longer, and I would never underestimate my mother and her cleverness. It was how I got it, after all. She would find a way to make me stay.

So I left early morning, not long after she'd gone to work. I left my car behind for several reasons. One, she might possibly find a way to track me with that. Two, it wasn't that great anyway. I wanted a better car. And three, I was leaving everything behind me today. I was starting anew; nothing would hold me back.

I left a note though. I wanted her to know I was gone, not kidnapped or hiding out for a few days at a friends house. Nothing so juvenile as all that. I was gone by choice and choice alone.

_Dear Mom,_

_You were right. Why should I try to defy your rules under your roof? Which is why I've got to get my own roof, somewhere else. I might travel, or I might move to one single place and settle down. Either way, I'm moving on now. Don't try to reach or find me. You won't be able to. Tell my friends I'm gone and to have fun on their travels for me._

_For shame or for pride,_

_Edward_

I had set that down on the kitchen table. She would find it.

The bus rocked underneath me, and I decided to take a nap. I had a very long ride after all. I had decided that my first destination would be New York. That was where you make it big, right? Or make something, in any case. The cultural center of the States. I'd been there a couple times, and enjoyed it.

Night fell on the bus; my seat beside me filled and emptied, and I stared out the window at the passing world, wondering where all of this would take me. All I knew was that what I going toward had to be better than what I'd left behind.

--

New York City was fucking _expensive_. I mean, I had a fair bit of cash, but damn. I was working two jobs at small little stores, and yet my savings were still rapidly depleting.

This was craziness.

Despite that, I enjoyed the energy of the Big Apple. How anywhere you looked, you could find someone who either was famous, or looked like they could be. The flow and energy of the never ending hustle and bustle. Even the slums and littered streets rang of something more, if you could ignore the smell.

My favorite time though, was at night. The city glittered, glimmered, honked, moved. Always moved. I liked that. As long as I kept moving, it was easy to push aside the gentle stirrings of guilt that had been making themselves known lately. It was easy to not think of anything from the past. I was starting to get pangs of loss and loneliness when I thought of it, and I didn't like that. So I just didn't think about it.

It wasn't all great though. The city was rankled by crime. I mean, Chicago definitely wasn't the safest place in the world either, so it wasn't like it was my first time being "exposed". I wasn't some suburbanite shut-in. Still, that didn't make seeing old women's purses snatched - too far away to be able to help - even easier. Or hearing about rapes in the allies I had walked in just that same night, never knowing what might unfold later in their dark, grimy depths.

I had been able to help some though. And it was because of helping one little girl that my career began.

I walked out of work as the cashier of an instrument parts shop. I had an early shift, since my next job started at five. It was currently three now though, and I had a little bit of time to relax. I hadn't gotten a new car yet, since I was fine with walking. Sometimes I had to take the subway if I had to rush, but for the most part, I just walked. The smells weren't always great, but the feelings in the air were. I loved to walked around with my head held high, taking in the sights around me.

And I was doing just that when I bumped into something that barely reached my knee.

I heard a wail and looked down to see a small girl child sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, tears running down her face.

"Are you okay?" I asked frantically, leaning down toward her. "Did I hurt you?"

"N - n - no!" she cried. "But I can't find my mommy!" She couldn't have been older than six.

"Oh…" I murmured, mind racing. "Do you remember where you last saw her?"

"Just - just a little while ago," she sobbed. "She let go of my hand in a crowd of people, and now I can't find her! We were going to the - to the movies!"

"Oh," I said again, this time more surprised. "The one around the corner here?"

She nodded, and I did too, before I picked her up and set her on my shoulders. "C'mon," I said brightly, trying to cheer her up. "Let's go there and see if we can find your mom, eh?"

"Eh?" she repeated blankly, and I chuckled a little, beginning to walk.

We passed by a street performer near a brick wall, standing on a turned over rubbish bin and trying - and failing - to do a good monologue, on the chance that an agent would be walking by. As we passed the tiny group of people surrounding him a white-haired man in a striped suit stepped out the crowd, sighing and shaking his head. He was just a few steps behind us.

"What's he doing?" asked the little girl curiously.

"A monologue," I informed her. "And badly. That's when you take a piece of writing and say it out loud, trying to be a character. Get it?"

"Um…no," she said, and I could feel her shaking her head.

"What's your name, by the way?" I asked suddenly.

"Bree," she sniffled.

"Okay Bree," I said happily. "How would you like me to do a monologue for you?"

She sniffed again. "Okay," she said slowly, sounding a bit better.

I grinned and cleared my throat theatrically. I only knew one monologue that I had memorized back in eleventh grade, when a girlfriend wanted me to audition for the school play with her. I didn't get in but honestly - I didn't try very hard either. I was going to this time though. I cleared my throat again and began speaking in a high woman's voice with a British accent.

"Well, Tommy has proposed to me _again_," I said, loudly and snobbishly, voice still high and British, making quite a few heads turn. Bree laughed. "Tommy really does nothing _but_ propose to me. He proposed to me last night in the music-room…Then he proposed to me in _broad._ _Daylight." _I stopped and dramatically emphasized the words, spreading my arms out to motion to the world. Bree shrieked another laugh and I saw the man in the suit from the corner of my eye, pausing too. " …this morning, in front of that _dreadful _statue of Achilles." I sniffed haughtily. "Really, the things that go on in front of that work of art are _quite_ appalling. The police should interfere. At luncheon I saw by the glare in his eye - " I paused again, and crouched down, swirling on my heel while making coke bottle glasses around my eyes with my fingers, all for the sake of cheering up the girl on my shoulders. She giggled and patted my head affectionately as I stood up again. " - that he was going to propose again, and I just managed to check him in time by assuring him that I was a bimetallist. Fortunately I don't know what bimetallism means. And I don't believe anybody else does either." I put my finger to my chin thoughtfully. "But the observation crushed Tommy for ten minutes."

I tilted my head back some to look at Bree. I widened my eyes. "_Ten. Minutes," _I emphasized, spreading all the fingers on my hands.

Bree started laughing and couldn't stop this time, and I grinned, walking quicker now. We were almost to the movie theater. "Well go on!" she said delightedly.

I looked up at her in surprise. "Uh…that's all I got," I laughed. "But we're here now," I told her. "Do you see your moth - "

"BREEEEE!" The shriek came from the movie talking frantically into her phone, before she snapped it shut and ran pell-mell toward us. She grabbed the girl from my shoulders and held her tightly. "Oh Bree," she sobbed. "I was so scared." She looked up at me through teary eyes. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "Thank you so much. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?"

I shook my head, blushing and backing up a bit. "It was a pleasure ma'am," I muttered. "I'm glad we found you."

"At least let me give you some money," she told me, her eyes widening imploringly, and I backed up even more.

"No, really," I stammered. "That's okay. I don't need it. I - "

"You're right he doesn't need it," said a loud voice next to me, and then an arm was being thrown over my shoulders. A stripe-suited clad arm. "Because this kid, is going to be famous one day."

I looked over at the voice and saw the same man who had stepped out of the crowd around the street performer. He was pretty old, judging by his hair color, the wrinkles on his skin, and the milkiness of his blue eyes. But there was an energy about him that gave off the feeling of youth.

"Aro's the name m'boy, a movie agent," he said, clapping his hand into mine, and I shook back, feeling distinctly dazed. "And you've got talent, I can see it sure as day. Could use some work, but that'll come with practice. You've got some potential, and I know just the person who needs you."

"What?" I asked stupidly, my mind still racing to catch up with the pace that was being set now. Too fast.

"Down in Cali, got a friend, working on an independent film. I like the film idea though, think it's got potential. They need the main character still. I think you're it. How about it?"

"I…I um…uh…wha - ?"

"Perfect! Here's my card." A crisp white business card was slapped into my hand. "I'll give you some time to think about it, but you've only got a week. Call my cell when you make up your mind, or my secretary if I'm not available, and we'll ship you out to Cali in the next week or so. Perfect!"

Bree and her mother were staring at me open-mouthed as Aro slapped my back and walked away. I'm sure my expression was similar, frozen with shock as I was. My hand unconsciously clenched the card tightly.

I ended up accepting the offer, and like he said, I was on a plane to California by the end of the week. What did I have to lose after all? There was no harm in keeping moving.

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Let guilty men remember, their black deeds  
Do lean on crutches made of slender reeds.

"**The White Devil" **by John Webster

Meticulous.

That's the word that could be used to describe my apartment. Two years had passed since that fateful day I met my agent, and I've filmed almost four movies, been in a couple plays, and auditioned for more of both of them than I can even count. Aro is still my agent, and it astounds me how he can still do his job even though he rarely flies in from New York. I've actually only _seen him _once a year since this began.

Two years have gone by, and, though I know twenty is not an age that exactly withers the bones, I definitely felt aged.

Just looking back on my eighteen year old self, I can see how much I've changed, and how much I'll keep changing.

Arrogant. Foolish. Selfish. Blind. That's what I was.

And maybe still am. Since I've yet to fix my mistakes.

My apartment is tidy and neat. It issn't even dusty. It isn't elaborately decorated either, but I have some nice paintings, vases, and other various elegant knick-knacks around the place. I vacuume three times a week. I dust every two days. I do the dishes as soon as I'm done with them. I make my bed in the morning.

My mother would've been proud. As well she should be, because the only reason I started doing it was because of her.

What child understands why they have chores? Why their parents make them clean up? Oh, it can be done in a day or so…that's what we think. But I can see now she was just trying to prepare me for the outside world.

Now that she can't see me, now that it's too late, _now _is the time that I do the things that would make her proud.

But is it too late? For the past year or so I've contemplated going back. But every day I decide to procrastinate, the longer the time stretches from the day I last saw her to the day I would see her if I left now. And it seems so long. What would I do? What would I say? I feel so heavy and weary at the very thought that I just push the thought away and promise to try again tomorrow.

I was sitting on my couch one not-so-special day when I made up my mind. _Well today is tomorrow. And I swear that I'll see her again. I'll go back, and apologize for all that I've done_.

--

Chicago smelled and looked exactly as I remembered it. I had to keep reminding myself that the years change people more than they change setting. I don't know why I kept expecting to step into a completely different place than I left. But everything was as I remembered, from my eighteen years of living here. A couple added stores and places here and there, but the same city I remembered.

I rented a car. I didn't want to waste any more time walking there, especially with the airport being so far away. This was just easier too.

The house looked almost exactly as I remembered it. With one exception.

The garden.

My mom had kept a garden religiously, and our lawn had always been the best on the street; in the whole neighborhood, really. Plants and flowers were always full to bursting with life. But the garden was all but gone. The plants that remained were so browned and in such desperate need of maintenance it would've looked better if they hadn't been there at all. It gave the whole house such a feel of loss and abandonment that dread and unease seeped into my stomach, making me feel sick.

Taking a much needed breath, I got out of the car and walked up to the front door, rapping on it three times.

"Just a minute!" called a voice. My heart sunk. It wasn't my mothers. Had she moved? I hadn't even anticipated that to be a concern.

The door opened, and a tiny little old Spanish lady opened the door. "Hello?" she asked, her eyes widening at the sight of me.

"Um...hi," I said edgily, shifting my weight from foot to foot, shoving my hand in my jacket pocket. I still needed work on my people skills. "Is Elizabeth Masen here?"

Her eyes widened even more. "Oh no no, honey," she said. "She's been in the ho'pital for quite some time now! Haven't you heard? I'm just looking over the house for her, so if she comes back it'll be all tidy and clean." She looked at me curiously. "And who are you again?"

But I couldn't say anything, frozen in horror as I was. _If _she comes back. Was that a real concern, or was the lady just not watching her diction that much?

"Oh no," I whispered, and turned on my heel, racing back to my car.

--

I knew which hospital to go to. My mother always had gone to just one hospital. It was where I was born, it was where we went whenever one of us was sick, or the time I dislocated my shoulder. It, too, was familiar.

But it loomed over me like a gigantic monster. How perfect that the sky was dark gray today. Looking up at the top of the building, the dark red brick looked positively black against the sky. I was pretty much standing there just waiting for a crack of lightning to shoot over the building and a wolf to howl.

I swallowed heavily and walked up the steps to the entrance slowly, feeling each weight on my ankles as I stepped down and climbed up more.

Then I was at the top and the entrance was in front of me. I could see myself reflected in the bluish tinted glass, standing there in my dark green hoodie and looking for all the world like I had no idea where I was. Snapping myself out of it, I walked up to the panes. I took a deep breath, and opened the hospital doors.

I walked out different than I walked in.

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Hope you like it so far :) I feel like his past really needed to be expanded upon.

_If you like the story, remember to go vote for it when the final rounds of Jayeliwood's contest comes around. Thank you so much all those that voted before! And I'll inform you when that happens._

_Please review!_

_- The Romanticidal Edwardian_


	2. Evanescent Girl

_Alright, I highly __**HIGHLY **__suggest listening to the song used in the quotes (it's the same one for all) because seriously…it really is Bella's theme song. It really is. It just defines her character perfectly and helped me write this chapter. Enjoy!_

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Bella's POV

_If someone stood up in a crowd,  
__And raised his voice up way out loud,  
_…_you'd notice him._

"**Mr. Cellophane" **by Chicago (Cover)

My nine o' clock alarm buzzed annoyingly next to my head. My brow furrowed, but I was still half-asleep. I dreamed that I shut it off, and I truly believed it, except it kept _ringing_.

"Fine," I muttered, aggravated, blinking my eyes open slowly and slapping my hand down on the off button. The ringing ceased at once and I opened and closed my eyes blearily. Warm yellow sunshine was coming through my window, illuminating the light blue walls of my tiny room. My purple sheets were tangled around my legs, but my favorite soft, downy, frog-blanket remained wrapped my torso. It had been a gift from a rare friend back when I was in sixth grade. I would never give it up, or let it go. And even though I was almost twenty-three now, and it'd been nearly ten years since my thirteenth birthday, the blanket was still in pristine condition.

I sat up wearily, shaking my head and pulling up the side of my white tank top that had slid down to reveal half my bra. Yawning, I stretched my arms wide before slumping over, still tremendously tired. I'd been in my darkroom late last night, developing my pictures. Lots of photographers had abandoned use of them in recent times, but I absolutely loved the process. Getting lost in the almost complete darkness and wondering what pictures would come out of it. I didn't own a digital camera. I didn't want one. I absolutely adored my old fashioned one, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But because of it, I never knew what my photographs looked like until I developed them. Which was exciting.

Because that was what I did. I was a photographer. And currently, I was doing my damnedest to make the best portfolio on the face of the planet, so I could get a good, steady job for sure. I was trying for a modeling agency presently, since they're always in need of one, but where ever it took me was fine. I would feel better when I didn't have to worry if I couldn't get a random, brief flint with anyone. And regardless, some months were always tighter than others when it came to money.

I flung my froggy blanket off of me and padded out of my room and to the kitchen. My apartment wasn't very big. It had a living room, my room (with a rather large closet that served as the darkroom), a kitchen, and a bathroom. And not even a bathroom connected to my room. It was out in the hall.

That was it. And it was more than enough, (and even if it wasn't, money-wise, I had no choice). It was just me, after all. I had never once brought anyone here. It's not like I'd ever had a one-night stand. It's not like I'd ever even had _sex_ first off. I was well on my way to becoming the 40 year old virgin. But I'd always had this romantics' idea that the first time should be special, with someone you love. I'd yet to find that person.

I was digging around in my cabinets for some cereal when I finally just shut the door, coming up with a better idea. "Screw it," I muttered, and went back to my room to get dressed for the day. I'd already paid the rent and the phone bill for this month. I was good for the rest of it. So why not go out and buy some breakfast? I hadn't been able to do that in a while. Well…not so much as I hadn't been _able _to, I just hadn't felt like it.

The cool morning air felt good. Regardless, I kept my black hoodie on over my blue tank top and jeans. There was a little diner that was reasonably priced and had good food around my section of Hollywood (the outskirts). I'm not sure why I lived in Hollywood. All I knew was that I got great photographs of people here. In a day, I could snap a hundred stills and, as long as I'd done my job right, I would've snapped an interesting picture for each one. Either of setting or of people. On good days - both, simultaneously.

I sat down at the counter of the diner. It was quicker service that way I'd learned.

Most of the time.

I looked over the menu, deciding what I felt like having today. I frowned as I looked over the more hearty breakfast items, and I distinguished that I really wasn't in the mood for an English style breakfast. Instead, I scanned over the more French choices: pastries.

The French toast looked like it would hit the spot. With a slab of melted butter on the top and a dash of syrup…I was salivating at the thought. Having determined what I wanted, I sat and waited for someone to come ask my order, as was custom here.

And waited.

And waited.

Sighing, I looked down at my watch. My eyes widened. Twenty minutes! I'd been waiting here _twenty minutes _and no one had even come by!

I cleared my throat as one of the waiters passed behind the counter, on their way to the kitchen. "Excuse me," I said, struggling to keep my tone polite. "I would like to order now, please…"

The waiter's eyes widened at the sight of me. "Oh!" he said, hurriedly taking his notepad from his apron pocket. "So sorry ma'am. I didn't even see you there."

I blew a piece of hair from my eye. "It's okay," I said. "I just want some French toast and a glass of orange juice."

He nodded, and went to go get the food. I sighed and set my head down on the counter top. I hoped he wouldn't forget I was here, at least. Or that he would remember where I was.

_

* * *

_

And even without clucking like a hen,

_Everyone gets noticed now again.  
__Unless of course that personage should be,  
__Invisible, inconsequential, me._

"**Mr. Cellophane" **by Chicago (Cover)

The waiter didn't forget me again - I think. The time seemed to stretch out a little bit longer, but maybe I had just been paranoid.

But whatever. I had eaten at least, and the food had been good. I walked the streets of Hollywood, looking for potential places to photograph at. I had my camera in it's bag, wearing it over my neck and on one shoulder, like a messenger bag.

The day was sunny. There were clouds, but they were white; not gray. This could be an advantage. Especially if I found a really ironic occurrence that didn't match the sky's backdrop at all. That would be lucky.

People walked up and down the streets. It was a pretty average day. Sighing, I looked to the side of me and froze.

It was an alleyway, and sitting right there, just a little bit inside one gray wall, there was a little valentine teddy bear, with a big red heart sewn onto his paws to hold. Behind it, the wall was dirty, littered with graffiti and words written from agony-ridden teenagers no doubt: the words "I hate life" and "Kill me now" popped out at me. It was so ironic I laughed out loud.

With the eagerness of a child on Christmas, I ripped my camera from it's carrying case and went to kneel in front of the bear, taking a picture of it and it's surroundings. I clicked the shutter and then pulled away, pleased that it was perfect.

With my self-satisfied grin still in tact, I turned my head back to look at the street, standing up.

And what do you know. It was my lucky day. There was a small building across the street; a charity organization. And right in the window, I could see a sign that said 'Photographers wanted'.

I had no idea what they could want one for, but random organizations seem to need them at random times, and who am I to complain? It was the odd job I needed. With determination, I marched across the street toward the building. And yet, a car still had to swerve around me as if I were invisible.

The grin had left my face by the time I reached the door, but I tried to keep my expression friendly. It was difficult to do though. I wasn't much a part of society. I didn't have much practice intermingling. I usually observed from a safe distance, watching with fond affection the wonder around me, without ever actually participating. I was content, for the most part, with that.

A little bell rang over my head as I entered.

There was a receptionist desk in front of me. The office was small, but nicely decorated and smelled like flowery air freshener, with the air conditioning pumping the small space almost to the point of shivering. I hugged my hoodie tighter to me and approached the desk.

"Excuse me," I said politely, albeit hesitantly. "I'm here about the photographer job?"

The receptionist glanced up at me from her computer screen, before picking up a clipboard and shoving it toward me. "Fill that out," she said. "And then bring it back."

I walked over to a chair next to the window and unclipped the pen that was attached to the board, beginning to fill out the information. There was the usual: name, age, address, zip code, etcetera. Further down went into photography experience, and if I had an album. I wrote down all the various jobs I'd had (quite an extensive, impressive list, actually) and checked yes for an album. It was true that I did, but to _my_ standards, it wasn't complete.

I got back up and walked over to the counter, waiting for the receptionist to look up.

She didn't. She just kept clicking away on her computer, her eyes not glancing up once. Leaning forward a bit, I could see she was playing Solitaire.

I coughed a little, annoyed. She didn't look up and my jaw almost dropped in disbelief. "Eh-_hem!" _I coughed again, louder this time.

Finally, she looked up, her eyes opening a little bit wider. "Oh sorry," she said. "Didn't see you there."

I dropped my eyes to the floor, pushing the clipboard toward her. "Alright," she said. "This is how it works. We want a picture that represents 'hope' for our advertisements, and we're accepting them from anyone who's filled this paper out. But, you'll get paid if we choose yours. Just come and turn in the picture when you have it with this slip of paper," she said, signing a gold square of parchment and handing it to me. I slipped it into my back pocket, nodding. I was used to companies using weird instructions when it came to odd jobs like this.

"When's the deadline?" I asked.

"Well, we're wanting to run our new campaign at the end of October, so the beginning of September is when we'll stop accepting them, probably."

I nodded again. It was the beginning of August currently, so I had about a month to take the perfect photo. I'm sure I had plenty of photographs at home that would fit the requirement, but where was the fun in that? I left the office, the bell dinging overhead, to begin my quest for hope.

_

* * *

_

A human being's made of more than air.

_With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there.  
__Unless that person bein' next to you,  
__Is unimpressive, undistinguished,  
__You. Know. Who…_

"**Mr. Cellophane" **by Chicago (Cover)

I'm sure the book store owner of the book store I liked to go to wondered often how I could stand to sit in her shop for three or four hours a day, just reading. Well, that was easy. Most of my day was taken up staying outside, in the real world, like now.

I walked up and down every street and boulevard, exploring, hoping to find something worth looking at. I mean, if you looked long and hard enough, _everything _was worth looking at, but I wanted something to catch my eye.

And I knew that in a few hours, I could go and relax against my beloved stories, immersing myself in the best thing in this world, and the one thing I cherished above all things: Fantasy. Imagination. Breaking off from this world and losing myself in another.

But for now, I was stuck in reality and making the best of it. I had been walking the streets for about two hours now after leaving the charity office. And my feet had taken me to the park.

I did so love the park. I had never once walked inside it's gates and not left with a full roll of film. And, as I'd noticed before, it was a beautiful day. I was giddy with the possibilities of what I might find.

But first, I had to make my daily call.

Right outside the gates of the park, on the nearest corner was a pay phone. I took out quite a bit of change I'd made sure I'd gotten when I'd stopped for a sandwich at lunch time. This was a long distance call after all.

After I'd made all the necessary transactions, I waited while the phone rang four times.

"Hello?" asked the familiar voice of my mom.

"Hi!" I said, smiling involuntarily. She sounded well. I don't know why, but every time I called I expected some kind of disaster to have occurred. For her husband to pick up and say she was in the hospital, or something equally sinister. It kept me up some nights.

"Bella!" she answered, equally as enthusiastic. "What are you up to?"

I shrugged, disregarding the fact she couldn't see me. "Nothing much. I'm working on a photograph for a charity that represents hope. What's going on with you?"

"I'm about to start getting ready for a night out with Phil," she said excitedly, giggling like she was in high school again. I grinned indulgently a little, before I thought of something.

"Isn't it only, like, five over there?" I asked, calculating quickly in my head. It would be. It was only two currently, and she was three hours ahead all the way over there in…Florida. I shuddered. What if something did happen? She was on the opposite side of the country! What if I needed to be there quickly? I hated her decision to move there, but I didn't want to leave California either. I liked it here, and I was settled.

"Oh Bella," she sighed. "When you get a boyfriend you'll understand. It takes a long time to get ready."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't hold your breath," I muttered. I'd never once had a boyfriend. The only people that I liked were boys in books. At least, in my mind, I could make them do whatever I wanted. Like notice me, for example. Guys had never shown any interest in me. And though I was a romantic at heart, I was realistic in my head. I knew that the possibility of me finding the right person any time soon was zero to not gonna happen.

"Oh honey, you'll find someone - AHHH!" she shrieked, and I jumped, gasping, my mind going a hundred miles a second.

"Phil!" she screamed, though she was giggling, and I relaxed slightly. "Don't _do _that!" But she didn't sound like she meant it; at all. I heard Phil's low chuckles near to the phone, and I got the feeling that this was heading in a direction I didn't want to stay on the phone for.

"Alright, well, I'm going to go…I just wanted to make sure you were okay," I sighed. She was still giggling with Phil, and I knew she hadn't heard a thing I'd said. "…Talk to you later I guess. Hope I haven't taken up too much of your time," I added in a low mutter.

"Huh?" Renée suddenly asked. "Oh, okay. Bye Bells!"

"Bye," I said quietly and hung up the phone. Well, that was that. I sighed again.

My mouth twisted as I stared at the pay phone a second longer, before shaking my head and heading into the park.

My shoulders untensed from the protective hunch they'd molded into when I welcomed the sights and sounds all around me. Children playing, shrieking, running, laughing. Couples strolling along with goo-goo eyes, mothers and fathers pushing strollers, teenagers jumping around and sometimes having picnics. Little kids swinging and playing on the jungle gym. Girls playing hopscotch and little boys flying kites and controlling remote control airplanes. Sometimes the genders switched roles in this too.

A light breeze stirred the many green trees, and it was a peaceful scene. I breathed in deeply. Without a doubt, I could find what I needed here.

For an hour, I scoured around, taking numerous pictures. The playground was littered with more than one swing set, so there were children playing everywhere. The sidewalks were filled with couples. The grass was besieged with picnickers and lounging people. The breeze lifted people's hair up, the sun outlined silhouettes. The grass rippled. My camera's clicking almost never stopped.

There was a couple illuminated against the sun, kissing. Another one, with a girl sitting on a swing and her boyfriend pushing her up in the front, kissing her. There were two little girls with their arms around each other on a swing, with a little boy taking a picture of them. I got that one from the back, off to the side, and I loved it. I captured a moment where a group of twelve year olds all jumped up into the air in triumph as their team won the friendly soccer game going on. And a picture of an old couple, sweet as could be, sitting on a bench, holding hands, and smiling at each other as if they were the only people in the world.

All the pictures were good, and I loved them all. But they weren't quite right. There was something missing…

Conflict. Conflict was what was missing. How could you have hope if everything was right in the world? I needed something more.

And I found it. There was a boardwalk I was passing, connecting grassy fields to concrete sidewalk that wound through a small forest. It was quite long though, the boardwalk. Right in front of it, on the grass leading up, was a boy, about sixteen from the look of him. Off to the side, I could see part of the side of his face, but also the entire length of the sidewalk. He was staring intently down it, lost in his thoughts.

I knew in reality his thoughts were different that what I imagined them to be, but in mind I could envision that he was looking down this long path, wondering if he should go down in it. But there could be an interpreted intensity in his face that suggested that he _would_ go down in it anyway. _That _was hope.

Almost shaking with excitement, I brought my camera to my eye quickly, needing to capture this moment before he moved. He could do so at any second. I smiled and put my finger to the shutter -

"Oof!" I cried, stumbling forward and falling in the grass, my camera dropping from my hands to dangle on the strap around my neck. Something very solid had just ran into my back.

I turned around and saw it was another teenage boy with a football.

"Oh!" he said. "I'm sorry! I didn't see you there."

I nodded quickly, anxiously turning my head back to the boy. But to my intense disappointment, he was already walking down the boardwalk. I felt my throat tightening. "That's okay," I whispered, but turning back as I stood up and brushed myself off I saw that the football player was already almost back to his friends a ways away.

I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes, hanging my head.

_

* * *

_

Shoulda been my name,

_Mr. Cellophane.  
__Cause you can look right through me,  
__Walk right by me.  
__And never know I'm there.  
__Never. Even. Know…  
__I'm there._

"**Mr. Cellophane" **by Chicago (Cover)

I walked dejectedly, heading back to my house to drop my camera off and then go to my sanctuary: the book store. The one place always there, always ready to take me in. Forget everything and everybody else that existed outside the thousands of stories it contained. It was the sure fire way to help me forget whatever awfulness the day had produced. The loss of that perfect shot had been a hard blow to me.

The sun was starting to sink now, a little bit to eight. I sighed and kept my hood up, passing under a streetlamp, barely even recognizing my shadow with it's hunched over form and dragging feet. No wonder no one else saw me. I couldn't even know myself.

Ahead of me, I heard a sound around a corner, but I ignored it until it steadily came closer. I didn't look up, but listened intently. It sounded like…feet pounding on pavement?

I finally did look up, just in time to see a gray-hoodied figure rounding the corner, his hood up as well and his head down as he ran flat out. Even from this distance I could hear his panting breathing. I wouldn't have paid much attention though, if I didn't notice that he was running quite fast, and unless he suddenly swerved soon, he'd hit me.

He was three feet away when I cried out, "He-!" but I didn't get to finish my expletive when he ran into my shoulder, knocking me into the streetlamp, which I clung onto for dear life. I looked up furiously but he hadn't stopped. He looked back a little and I caught a flash of reddish-brown hair it looked like. "Sorry!" he cried back to me. He started to pause a little then thought better of it, rushing around the next corner.

I breathed out an aggravated sigh. At least he hadn't said, "Didn't see you there." Not that it would've been necessary.

I started to walk again, rubbing my shoulder. At least my hood was still on, so I didn't need to fix that. Sighing again, I began to walk.

And then, also running around the corner, was a pack of people; mostly girls, but I saw some men with cameras.

"Oh no," I whispered, and then they were on me as well, and I was being shoved back to the street lamp.

"Oh my gosh!" yelled one of the girls at the end, stopping in her stampede. "I'm really sorry! I didn't even - "

"See you there," I muttered bitterly, low enough to where she couldn't here. "I know."

She began to run again, making up lost time with her running gang, and I felt an unexpected moisture pricking my eyes. I gasped before blinking back the stupid tears furiously. How ridiculous. It still hurt though.

I looked around me, and saw no one. No cars, no walkers, nothing.

Swallowing thickly, I turned my face up to the blank night sky.

"Will someone please see me!?" I cried out to the heavens, resisting the urge to fall to my knees.

Nobody answered.

_

* * *

_

Review please! I should get out the next chapter quickly. Sorry for any mistakes.

**- The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	3. The Irresistable Fall

_Thank you for all the reviews last chapter =) I'm sorry I don't get to answer them all, but I'm really busy._

_I forgot to add last time that those last chapters were dedicated to my friend moon(.)witche __for being so persistent and eager for the story to begin. And for putting up with the ten or more times I said "I'll finish it tonight!" and then went to sleep._

_Also, props to the awesome movie __**28 Days Later **__for supplying the awesome joke that will be employed this chapter._

_**By the way**__, if you want to read __**Edward's POV **__of the beginning of this chapter, read the one-shot. I myself like reading both points of view, but you don't have to really._

**

* * *

**

Bella's POV

_The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed._

**Carl Jung**

After I dropped off my camera at home, and paused to take in my living room wall - my greatest pride and joy - I headed off to my bookstore.

That's how I always think of it. _My _bookstore. Because it's where I always go, it's where I'm always welcome, and I rarely meet anybody in there anyway. Even the shopkeeper just stays in the backroom most of the time. It's like my own little playground of words. Sometimes, after I'm really riled up after reading an exciting part in the story, I like to run up and down the stairs of the place, laughing and spinning with my book in hand.

When there's no one around, of course. I'm sure I look like a monkey on crack...much like when I dance crazily when nobody is watching.

But you know, I'm starting to think that wouldn't matter. I could probably do it naked in the middle of Times Square and still have people look past me. Then again, I hear New York is a jaded place. Maybe I should pick somewhere else for my hyperbole.

With my hoodie pulled up, I began to walk down the street that would lead me to the store. It was a little bit of a walk away, but not too bad. The nicer section of the city was closer to it than my small apartment. And yet, I never really saw anybody in there. Maybe the rich and/or famous didn't have time for books. Or maybe they went to more nationally recognized book stores. I don't know. I rather liked the seclusion though, for all my complaining. I just didn't want the risk of the store going out of business. I had no idea what I would do then. It was like a second - larger - home to me now.

I opened the pull door, and breathed in the cool air conditioning, artificial and clean; such a difference to the warm, heavy, heady night outside.

To my surprise, the owner of the store was there at the counter. She raised her eyebrow at me, a slight smile on her face as she saw me. "Surprise surprise. Bella's here! Hey honey."

I laughed, blushing and ducking my head. "Hey Anne," I said, the name she had told me to call her a long time ago, before walking toward the tall bookshelves, the familiar feeling of wonder spreading across my face at the sight of it all.

"I'm going in the back!" she called. "If you need me."

"Okay," I murmured, though I probably wasn't going to buy anything. Money was still tight despite the paid bills.

I sighed happily as I walked amongst the bound stories, eyes scanning titles. I wasn't sure if I wanted to reread something, or find something new. That was always the most challenging part. So I decided to just pick up all the books I was interested in tonight.

_Dreamland _by Sarah Dessen. _The Beautiful and the Damned _by F. Scott Fitzgerald. _Catcher in the Rye _by J.D. Salinger. _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince _by J.K. Rowling. _Abarat _by Clive Barker. _Woman at Point Zero _by Nawal El Saadawi. _Pride and Prejudice _by Jane Austen. _Lord of the Rings: Return of the King _by J.R.R. Tolkein. _Wuthering Heights _by Emily Brontë. And of course _Romeo and Juliet_, by that master of English literature, that sorcerer of words: William Shakespeare.

With a happy sigh, I tottered on to my back corner, running into a few shelves along the way; the books that were heavily laden in my arms were interrupting my eye sight.

I took in a deep breath when I reached my corner, eyeing the ground furtively. I refused to let any of the books just _fall _to the floor. They were much too precious for that. With baited breath, I began to bend my knees, my legs wobbling from the effort of not simply falling to the floor recklessly. As soon as I was on my knees, I quickly lowered my heavy pile of bound pages to the carpet, and released a sigh of relief that they had made it there safely.

I sat cross-legged on the floor, and positioned my books around me, trying to decide what adventure to plunge into first. It was extremely difficult though - as it always was - and I ended up eenie-meenie-minie-mo-ing it. I smiled at the book my finger landed on.

"Hello Harry," I grinned. "So we meet again. What is this now, the hundredth time? Oh well, I could never tire of you."

Biting my lip to suppress my smile, with an excited wiggle I grabbed the book and opened it up to the first page.

To say that was I fast reader would be an understatement. Give me a block of interrupted time and I can finish most books in it, if I have to. The only reason I go slower is because I really want to _enjoy _the story, soak it in. That's why I can never read a book just once. The first time through, I'm flying, trying to figure out what's going to happen. The second time, I can go slower, and I appreciate it more.

I'd read the Harry Potter series more times than I can count, and had practically memorized it. Strangely enough, though, it's yet to get old.

I had no idea how much time had gone by before I finally got to the infamous train scene, my heart squeezing painfully with excitement when Draco put the spell on Harry to make him fall to the floor.

"You're so stupid Harry!" I whispered harshly, my hands going to the floor and gripping the carpet tightly in my hands, anxiety seeping through my veins. "Why did you even go in there!? And Malfoy, you're a sexy, wanna-be evil beast."

My breath became more ragged when Malfoy broke Harry's nose, annoyance creeping through me. My hands were almost white as they clutched the floor....

"OW!" I screamed as suddenly a shoe crushed my small hand.

The foot immediately retracted itself, and I blinked back the automatic tears of pain, cradling my hand immediately. _Ow, ow, ow...._

"Oh no!" came from the owner of the foot, his voice deep and full of apology. He crouched down next to me and I turned my head to look up at him.

He had a very handsome face, as was blatantly obvious. Very...perfect. His eyes were bright green, his skin pale and soft looking, his jaw masculine, and his red-brown messy locks falling all over his face. He had the hood of his gray jacket pulled up, shadowing him slightly.

Wait. Brown-red hair. Gray hoodie.

I knew who this punk was.

It was the guy who'd ran into me earlier!

"Excuse me miss, I am _so _sorry!" he went on, his face full of such sincere apology that I found myself forgiving him against my will. "Are you okay?"

I just stared at him a minute, my hand throbbing, and my mouth pulled down in pain. Forgive, or not forgive? But he seemed really nice, despite everything....and I knew he hadn't done any of it on purpose.

"It's okay," I finally said quietly, softly rubbing my hand, as if coaxing the pain off it with my fingertips. I shook it a bit. Alright, it _really_ hurt. I decided I shouldn't let him off quite so easy. "You're not the first to not notice me. I've been stepped on quite a few times." I smiled hugely at him, noting with smug satisfaction the look of shock upon his face. _There_. Let him make of that as he would.

I returned my attention back to the book in front of me, expecting him to leave now that he had apologized and I had - for the most part - accepted, along with freaking him out. But to my wonder, he sat down next to me instead.

"I really am sorry," he said again. "Nothing's broken or anything, right?"

I looked up at him in shock. Well... this was breaking routine a whole lot. I hadn't talked to anyone for more than a few words in here in....well, never. And now a handsome stranger was sitting down next to me and keeping up a conversation? It was beyond me.

I suddenly remembered to answer him. "No," I said, trying to carefully conceal my surprise. I don't think it worked. "It might be bruised, but I bruise easily, so no worries."

His full mouth turned down in a frown, and he looked down in shame, his face turned away enough that his hood hid his face from me. I felt an ounce of regret, and decided to just get over my petty grudge.

I reached over and patted his hand. "It's okay," I told him lightly, hoping that he wouldn't feel bad anymore. Seeing that he wasn't going to leave any time soon - I'd yet to discern if that was good or bad or not, but for the moment it seemed fine - I marked my page, and sat the _Half-Blood Prince _in front of me. "I'm Bella, by the way."

He pulled his hood off, his bronze hair disheveled yet enticingly so, and looked back at me, smiling. He had a gorgeous smile. "That's a pretty name," he told me. To my horror, I flushed. No one had complimented me in...well, a very long time, if ever. Besides my mom.

"I'm Edward."

I held my hand (the uninjured one) out to him to shake. His hand was large, dry, and warm, his grip firm. It felt nice. "Well hello Edward, Stepper-Onner-of-Hands. What brings you to this little book store?" I asked, feeling slightly emboldened by his complimentary, gentlemanly attitude.

"Hiding," he told me, shrugging. I suddenly remembered the onslaught of people that had run into me only moments after he did, and I smirked at him.

"I'm just going to go ahead and safely assume that I don't want to know," I said.

He smiled at me. "Probably." His eyes started to stray to my pile of books and his eyes landed on the one I'd been reading. I watched as his eyes widened. His face suddenly broke out in a huge smile. "High five fellow Harry Potter fan!" Edward laughed, holding his hand up. Surprised but happy, I slapped it, giggling too. This was turning out to be an interesting night.

"It's awesome, isn't it?" I asked excitedly, feeling the same fervor rising in me as it always did when I got the chance to discuss my favorite stories. "I'm so depressed that the series is over. And that people are moving on to other stupid books, like this new one called...erm...I don't even know. But it's stupid. It's about vampires, or something. Which was cool on Buffy, but this...no. I can't believe people are moving on..."

I trailed off, feeling disheartened at my own words, before I suddenly realized that I had actually _said _them all. To another human being! I blushed deeply, knowing I had said too much.

But when I looked up at Edward, he was grinning at me. "Twilight," he told me quietly.

That seemed to be accurate. I vaguely recalled it, and my face automatically scrunched up in disgust, though I felt an underlying relief that he hadn't minded my rant. "Yeah."

He was still smiling, and his strong jaw was accentuated. I remembered another character closely related to the subject who had been described with a strong jaw... "You know, you kind of look like Cedric Diggory."

Okay, so I was a bit obsessed.

I noticed that he immediately tensed up, and I frowned a little. What was wrong with that? Maybe he hadn't liked Cedric...I didn't understand how, it wasn't like he was really a major character or anything. I hoped I hadn't insulted him in some way though.

He just shrugged, looking uncomfortable, and changed the subject rather randomly.

"So...erm...seen any good movies lately?" he asked, an edge to his tone.

I felt the urge to laugh at the question, but refrained from doing so. Instead, I just smiled and shook my head. "I don't really watch movies," I told him. That was an understatement. Try never. The only times I did was when I was visiting Renée, and _she _wanted to go see something. "This," I continued, waving my hand around to the book shelves, "Is my movie theater."

"You come here a lot?" he discerned, crossing his arms as he stared at me. His green eyes were quite captivating.

I nodded, feeling more like a loser than ever. I felt myself blushing. He looked like the kind of guy who never had a problem with getting a date every Friday night, and I was the girl that sat alone in the book store. How humiliating. "Or I stay at home and read," I confessed, laughing a little to try to tone down my embarrassment. "I'm a dork."

He just beamed at me, and I immediately felt better about myself.

"I wouldn't exactly call myself 'cool' either," he grinned wryly. I opened my mouth to argue with him, but he had given his attention back to the books that surrounded me, expression intrigued. He looked back at me, seeming slightly nervous. "May I?" he grinned rather awkwardly, nodding toward my formidable stack. I thought that maybe it was because he figured it might be too personal.

"Oh, sure!" I agreed, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. I wanted him to feel comfortable. "I love discussing books anyway. I wish I could more often."

Once again I felt I'd said too much, and bit my lip, but he just smiled, his eyes unreadable but not uncomfortably or hostilely so.

He scooted over to sit cross-legged in front of me instead of next to me, closer to my pile of books while still being able to talk to me head on. He leaned forward slightly to drag the books nearer to him, and as he did so his jeans brushed my own jean-clad knee, sending a tingle up my leg. Oh dear, I was pathetic and desperate.

"Romeo and Juliet," he noted, turning the book over, his mouth pulling down at the corner.

I gaped at his reaction, throwing my hands over my mouth. "You don't like that story!?" I exclaimed, shock coursing through my system.

He shrugged, looking away. "I think that Romeo is a very fickle character. He 'loves' Rosaline, but obviously not that much, because then he falls in love with Juliet's beauty. And I think the love at first sight thing is silly. You can't _love _someone without knowing them. Maybe you can get a _feeling _that this might be someone you _can _fall in love with, but you have to know a person to feel strongly enough to love them."

I frowned. "Well I agree with that. But you're completely missing the point of the story. It's about true love, plain and simple, regardless of how unrealistic it may seem. Sure, they could've taken longer to do it, but that would've taken the play no where and fast. You have to remember the time it was written in too. Shakespeare needed to keep people interested. It's not supposed to be a book, it's a performance. _And _a story. It doesn't have to make complete sense."

"Maybe. Most good stories do though," he said dismissively, and I scowled. "I still feel only contempt for it. But I can see you'll probably hate me for that." He grinned crookedly at me, and I felt my annoyance creeping away in spite of myself.

"Just watch yourself buster," I warned, and his grinned widened as he set the book aside and grabbed the next one.

"Uh!" he sighed, placing a hand on his chest and closing his eyes. "A girl after my own heart. _Lord of the Rings _is the most epic adventure ever. I absolutely love it. It has to be my favorite series of all time."

"Well I'm glad I'm not the only nerd," I told him.

He looked up at me sheepishly from under his eyelashes. "I definitely have you beat. Would you believe me if I told you I played _Dungeons and Dragons_ every Thursday night back in high school?"

I thought for a moment, and then shook my head. "Not _every _Thursday."

"Well I did," he told me firmly.

"Well _I _was in a Science Fiction _and _a Creative Writing club. Beat that."

"I already did. Dungeons and Dragons totally beats both of those in the nerd arena any day."

"I disagree."

"I'm sure you do."

"_Pride and Prejudice_!" he said loudly, cutting off my next statement. "Classic. I do enjoy Ms. Austen's superior wit."

I smiled. "Don't think you'll be getting out of this debate that easily. But I do think it's pretty cool that you've read all these books that I like."

His cheeks turned red a little. "Let's not be too hasty," he told me, picking up the next one. "I haven't read this one. _Woman at Point Zero_. What's that about? I've never even heard of it."

I gasped. "You should!" I told him vehemently. "It's so wonderful! It's pretty much about how men are controlling butt-heads and a woman with never be truly free until she's dead."

"Cheery," he said dryly, and we shared a laugh. It was so very easy to talk to him. I was sinking into him and his words. I was leaning my neck into my hand, the rest of the world fading around me, as we continued to talk and talk.

Eventually our conversation melded into discussion of our lives.

"So, how long have you lived here?" I asked, curious.

"About four or five years," he shrugged. "Since I was around eighteen. I lived...in Chicago, most of my life."

"Eighteen..." I murmured, doing the mental math in my head. "You're twenty-two?"

He grinned. "I actually recently turned twenty-three. My birthday was in July. What about you?" Suddenly, he turned sheepish, ducking his head. "Actually, don't hit me with a shoe or anything. You don't have to answer. I know women don't like talking about their age."

I laughed out loud. "That's only once they hit their thirties," I teased. "I'm almost twenty-three as well. My birthday's in September."

"Well… early congratulations," he chuckled. They died down pretty quickly. "Any...anyone special you'll be spending it with?"

I rolled my eyes, though I felt a vague hollowness in my heart. "If my mom calls," I said sarcastically. "And if I get up early enough to say hello to the mail man. That's about it." I shrugged. "I don't really care about my birthday. I don't want to do anything."

"So you don't want to spend it with your boyfriend?" he asked nonchalantly, studying his hand. For one wild second I wished that he would care more about the answer.

I gave him a look. "What part of 'if my mom calls', has any connotations of me having a boyfriend? And what about you? Did _you_ spend your birthday with _your_ girlfriend?" I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth. I didn't want him to have a girlfriend, for whatever reason. And I certainly didn't want it confirmed, or to hear that he had spent a special day with her, or anything like that. Some unfamiliar emotions coursed through my veins, coating my mouth in acid and making me inexplicably annoyed and angry. I didn't know what it was.

But he just laughed. "If I had a girlfriend, I'd probably be in big trouble for sitting here and chatting you up. That wouldn't look too good, would it?" He winked, and I felt myself blushing. The bitter taste left my mouth and happiness filled me.

"Hmm..." he mused. "So let me guess. You read all the time. You were in a Science Fiction club _and _a Creative Writing club...are you an aspiring author?"

I smiled at him. "No, but good guess. I gave up on that dream years and years ago. I could never write as well as those authors that I love. I'm a photographer."

"Really?" he asked, eagerness on his face and in his expression. I felt confused, because no one had really been any kind of enthusiastic toward me, ever. All this attention was unnerving to me. And especially from a handsome man.

"Um, yeah," I said lamely, blushing. I rushed to change the subject. "So what about you? What do you do? Video game designer?" I teased.

It was his turn to seem uncomfortable. "Not exactly," he said tersely. He was silent for a few more moments, half-heartedly picking up a book before discarding it. Finally, he sighed. "I'm an actor," he said.

It took me about two seconds for that to register. And then another second for me to realize who I was really talking to. I didn't watch much TV it was true, but I wasn't living under a rock.

"Oh!" I gasped, my eyes widening in spite of myself. "Your last name's Masen, then?"

He nodded, a slight twist to his mouth.

My heart sunk and my stomach bottomed out violently.

It didn't matter that the couple of hours we'd been talking I'd felt a connection. It didn't matter that it seemed as if he were truly interested. It was one night, right here inside a building. Out there…in the world…we were completely different people. Maybe not in our interests and our thoughts, but in the lives we led. How could someone as famous as him, as handsome as him, as successful as him, as filled with as much potential as him, ever lower themselves to my league?

And when had I began to allow myself to hope for as much?

"It's really no big deal," Edward said quickly, interrupting my spiraling. He scrutinized my face and moved fast to change the subject.

But why did it matter?

In a few hours, he would walk out of my life. I mean, I sort of knew that before…but before I also thought that he might remember me. I'm sure he talked to important people all the time though. He had bigger things to think about than some loser girl he'd met. I wished I didn't know that.

And every time he made me laugh, being able to pull me out of even this deep funk, there was an ache in my chest. Because I realized how much I _liked _him. I felt…_happy_. And I hadn't felt _happy, _really, in a long time.

I felt small, insignificant, worthless, and forgotten. Looking at his perfection only made it worse. I knew how much I would like to see him again. And I knew that wouldn't happen.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked, sounding desperate.

I put on a smile and nodded. "Of course." Not.

I was sure I was just making the situation worse, furthering my chances of being put out of his mind forever - being the sulking, dull thing that I was acting like now. But maybe early separation would be easier.

"Alright, so a giraffe and an elephant walk into a bar and get _completely _smashed," he said abruptly, and I knew he was just trying to make me laugh again.

In spite of myself I let out a snort. "Really?" I giggled. "An elephant and giraffe? _Smashed_?"

"Yes," he said seriously, though his eyes danced. "And so the giraffe collapses on the floor, right? The elephant gets up to leave, and the bartender's like, 'Hey wait! You can't leave that lyin' there!' And the elephant turns to look at him and goes… That's not a lion. That's a giraffe!'"

I burst out laughing against my will. "That was so stupid," I giggled hysterically. "And I liked it."

"Really?" he asked. He seemed genuinely surprised. It just made me laugh harder and he started laughing with me.

Eventually, though, I stopped and reality came back and hit me in the face, effectively wiping the smile from it. He sighed.

But it was still too soon when Anne walked around the corner.

"Hey Bella," she said, before stopping upon seeing Edward. Her mouth hung open for a minute before she closed it, shaking her head. I didn't know what it was - seeing me with someone or if she knew who Edward was. "I've got to close up shop now, so…"

"No problem," I said hurriedly. "We'll go. Thanks Anne."

She nodded, just staring as we got up and walked past her. I felt her eyes on my back, watching Edward and I depart. He walked next to me, and neither of us spoke until we were past the chiming door and out into the balmy evening.

I turned to him as we stood on the sidewalk, preparing to say good-bye. I watched as he pulled his hood over his head.

He opened his mouth and I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut. He was about to walk away. He was about to say good-bye. Here it comes…

"Will you be here tomorrow night?" he asked.

"Huh?" I was so bewildered I couldn't think up a better response. I pulled myself together quickly. "Oh, yeah. Why?"

Please say you want to see me again, please say you want to see me again, please say you want to see me again…

He just stared at me as if I was missing something obvious. Then, to my utmost surprise, he blushed. "Well…I thought we could talk some more, I guess …If you don't want me to come back that's fine." He started to laugh, a nervous edge to it. "I guess I'm coming off a little stalkerish."

"No, no!" I rushed to say. I was so relieved… "That's fine. I just didn't think…that you'd _want _to come back."

"Why?" He had the decency to sound surprised.

I wished he hadn't asked that. Because I knew I didn't want to lie to him. And the truth was embarrassing. I didn't want have to point out what should've been obvious.

I shrugged, and scuffed my shoe on the ground. "Well," I started, feeling uncomfortable. "I mean, you're famous. And I get stepped on because nobody notices me there. I just don't _why _you'd want to see me again. But, oh well. I'll see you tomorrow anyway, I guess."

Feeling my cheeks burning, I turned and walked away hurriedly.

For the first time in a long time, though, I was excited for the morning and what the day would behold.

**

* * *

**

EPOV

_If I have ever made any important discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent._

**Isaac Newton**

"'Oh David!' she moaned. 'Oh yes!'" I whispered, and Bella and I both started snorting in laughter. "Her body _moved _and _twisted _and she moaned his name as their bodies slicked down with sweat. 'Yeah, I like it like that!'"

"That's not the real line Edward!" Bella yelled at me through her laughter. "And you know, this might actually be hot if one was reading on their own. It just sounds stupid out loud." She started laughing again and I joined her, loving the sound of both of our voices mingling together.

I closed the book and set it down, shoving it down the table we were sitting at on the second floor of the book store. "What's up?" I asked her seriously. I had only known her for a few days now, but I knew enough to know that she was distracted by something, despite all her responsive laughs.

"Huh?" she asked, surprised. Her expression turned wry. "You can tell, can you?"

I nodded and waited for her to speak.

She sighed, shoving a hand through her hair. That distracted me for a moment - the smell of strawberries attacked my senses, the sensual movement of her rippling hair catching me off guard. She had let her hair down today instead of putting it up in it's usual ponytail or messy twist and it was diverting me more than it should've. How many times tonight had I had to pull my hand back as I was about to run my hand through it to see if it felt as soft as it looked?

"Well," she sighed, and I immediately replaced my focus. "It's just…well, it's pretty stupid in any case."

"I doubt that," I told her softly. "Go on."

She shrugged, studying the table top, tracing the "wood grain" patterns with her finger on the laminate. "I called my mom today, and she didn't answer. I know that means she just wasn't home, but still, it always makes me…anxious, if I can't be sure that she's alright. Knowing her she might get lost, or run out of gas, or who knows what." She sighed. "At least she has Phil. That's the only reason I can deal with her so far away."

"So she doesn't live around here?" I surmised.

Bella shook her head, sighing again. "My mom Renee used to live in Phoenix - where I grew up - but then she moved to Florida with her minor league baseball husband Phil, because he made the team over there. It used to be easy to get to her, and now I have to rely on phone calls only."

"What about e-mail?" I inquired.

"Oh…uh, I don't have a computer right now," she blushed, and then immediately changed the subject - but I'd already picked up a lot.

She took care of her mother, instead of the other way around. From the way she fretted so intensely, I figured it had always been this way. Her mother, Renee, also seemed to be very childish, perhaps scatter-brained, since Bella was so worried that she needed looking after or else she'd end up in a predicament. Also, I surmised Bella didn't have that much money. Not that that mattered to me, but she seemed embarrassed by it.

"What about you?" she asked. "Where're your parents?"

It was my turn to feel uncomfortable. "Um," I mumbled. How much did I want to tell her? Surely not the ending. Maybe not admit that it was my fault. But enough. "Well, my dad died before I was old enough to even know him, so I don't have any memories of him. And my mom…she died when I was twenty, a few years ago."

"Oh…I'm sorry," Bella said sympathetically, and I could tell from her eyes that she really meant it - it wasn't just a throw away sentiment like with most people. "My dad lives in Washington. Him and my mom split up when I was a year old. But I still go visit him every year, so I don't feel particularly estranged from either of my parents." She sighed. "I worry about him though. He's never gotten over my mom and I don't like the idea of him all alone. I wish he'd find somebody else…" Her eyes glazed over as she looked off in the distance, probably lost in her thoughts.

"He probably will," I assured her. I'd rather focus on her father than my mother. I looked off too.

Suddenly there was the sound of a shutter clicking; a familiar sound.

"Hey!" I cried, looking over at Bella where she grinned mischievously behind her camera that she'd started bringing.

"Well I _told_ you I'm working on my album," she smiled. "You'll just have to deal with being my victim. When I find a good shot I shoot it."

I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out childishly at her. She took another picture.

"Now that just wasn't fair."

_**1 week later**_

"National Geographic?" I asked, surprised.

Bella nodded enthusiastically. "They go to the most amazing places…I would _love _to be their photographer. But that wouldn't be for a while anyhow. I still need more practice."

"Well I wouldn't know as you haven't let me see any of your pictures," I said testily.

She blushed and I felt a familiar stirring in my stomach. I wanted to brush my hand along her face and feel the heat. "Well," she said defensively. "I will _eventually_…when I'm done with the album."

"What about the 'Hope' project you're working on? I can't see any of _those _either?"

She sighed exasperatedly. "I'm having a hard time finding the perfect picture," she said, her mouth twisting with annoyance. "It's killing me. I _had _the perfect shot…but it got disrupted," she finished sourly. She sounded so put-out I didn't push the subject.

"What about you Mr. Actor-Man? You never practice any of your scenes for me either."

I smirked at her. "I was born talented. I don't need to practice."

I laughed as she swatted my head, resisting the urge to grab her hand and kiss it. I popped another piece of General Tao's into my mouth, the Chinese that Bella had brought for us tonight. If she wasn't my favorite person in the world before, she definitely was now: undisputedly.

"So you want to travel?" I guessed out loud.

She nodded, smiling as she returned to her own food. "Very much so. I want to go to all of Europe, Africa, and I've _always _wanted to go to Japan." She laughed. "I blame growing up with anime and manga."

"Gundam Wing was the best."

"Um…no. That show was lame. Sailor Moon all the way dude."

"What crack were you smoking as a child?"

**

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**

BPOV

_Hope is the thing with feathers  
__That perches in the soul.  
__And sings the tune  
__Without the words,  
__And never stops at all._

**Emily Dickinson**

It was the last week of August, and I only had until the beginning of September to find the perfect photograph of hope. I was beginning to lose my own.

But apart from that everything was fine.

More than fine.

And there was no doubt in my mind that was it was the doing of Edward. _Edward. _I thought the name in my head with relish. I was in love with him. It was weird because I hadn't even named it on my own. My mom was the one that had pointed it out to me last week.

"_Hi mom," I said chirpily. Eight o' clock was fast approaching and I couldn't wait to see Edward again._

"_Bella!" she responded just as enthusiastically. "How are you?"_

_I nodded though she couldn't see me. "Pretty…pretty good," I told her honestly. And I really was. I felt happy._

"_Any particular reason?" Renee asked slyly. "I can't help but notice how chipper you've sounded lately. Did you land a good job?"_

"_Mm…not quite," I said, feeling a blush start to form on my cheeks. Never having a boyfriend before was going to make this a really awkward talk with my mom. I hoped she wouldn't pry._

_No such luck._

"_Then what is it?" she asked, honestly curious. Her voice turned mischievous. "Would a _man_, perhaps, have anything to do with this?"_

"_Well…not in the way you think," I hedged. I knew she meant actual relationship. I actually wished that she was right._

"_Well what way is it then?" she demanded._

_I sighed. "I met a guy, at the book store I always go to," I admitted. "About three weeks ago."_

"…_And?"_

"…_And…we talk every night. He keeps coming back."_

"_Oooh!" Renee squealed. "That's so romantic!! Does he like you? Do you like him?"_

_I shifted, feeling uncomfortable. "Well…I don't know how he feels about me. But…I _really _like him."_

"_How much?" she demanded again._

_I sighed. "More than I should," I told her, slumping in my seat dejectedly. "I love talking to him. And every time I think about him I get this weird feeling in my stomach. I have more in common with him than anyone I've ever met… and he's a good person." I sighed again. "I'm lucky to know him. I'm surprised he even wants to know _me_."_

"_Oh honey," she said softly. "Of course he does! You're an amazing individual!" I rolled my eyes. She was my mom. She was _supposed _to say that. "Oh, this is so sweet. My baby is in love!" she said gently, the pride in her voice distinguished._

_I sat there, dumbfounded. In love? Me? _

_With Edward._

_I thought of his gorgeous face and his infectious laughter. His crooked grin and the sound of his voice in my ears. The look in his eyes when we agreed on something, and the way he rolled his eyes when we didn't. How…_visible_, he made me feel._

Of course I was in love with him. How could I not be? He was everything that was perfection. I wished he was mine.

---

As Edward and I were leaving the store that night, we left laughing as usual. It was warm out, but the heat I felt coming from him next to me was warmer, and I wished I could wrap myself around him.

"It's a nice night," he commented, looking around. I hoped he was stalling because he didn't want to leave. That's what I usually did.

I fingered my camera, looking around. "Yeah, it is," I agreed. The moon was on the other side of the building, but I knew he was talking about the weather.

_Talking about the weather._

It made me want to laugh.

"Hey Bella, do you…" he suddenly, quickly turning to face me.

"Yes?" I asked hopefully, looking up at him. Gah I was pathetic, but I was wishing with all my might that he would invite me out. It was only eleven. Pretty early for this city.

He opened his mouth but didn't say anything. I waited quietly, and eventually he sighed, shaking his head, and turned his face up to the sky.

That was when I saw it.

My picture.

Hidden behind him was a streetlamp, and the orange glow scattered around the edges of his head. The light blackened his face, leaving only his profile visible, and the gleam of his emerald eyes. They were pointed toward the star-strewn sky.

Wasting no time I hurriedly lifted my camera into place and snapped the shot. He didn't move, so I don't think he heard. He'd taken to playfully glaring at me every time I did this.

But I didn't care. Because I had gotten my shot.

…Oh, he was beautiful.

---

It'd been a month now. A month since we'd first started visiting each other.

And I wanted him more than ever.

I _wanted _to make a move. I wanted to cast away my shell as the shy, invisible girl and take charge as a fierce and beautiful woman, asking him to be with me. But that wasn't who I was.

To be honest, I _was _shy. No one before Edward had seen me. I didn't make that much money, I wasn't famous, and I didn't have many prospectives going for me. How was it my place to make him mine? Edward was the sun, and I was the cloud that shied away, scared of hiding him. It wasn't my place to enter his realm.

I contemplated all of this as I made my way to the book store. Because despite all my inadequacies, something _had _to change. I loved him. I knew that. And it killed me every time I looked at him and wasn't able to say it. I _needed _to. And soon.

I was going to try to tell him. Tonight. Hopefully. And with every fiber of my being I longed for him to tell me he loved me back.

I really wasn't sure how I was going to be able to handle rejection.

Sighing, I reached for the handle of the book store.

But then there was a sound of feet pounding on pavement, and I looked up to see Edward running toward me. Uh-oh.

**

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Okay, next chapter should come quicker. Their first meeting was necessary to see, so that's why it's so prominent. For those who've read the one-shot, you can guess what happens next =)

**Alright, so something is starting soon, with me, moon(.)witche, and another awesome author Raille (Seducing Ms. Swan), and we've already started work on it. When it becomes more concrete I will let you guys know more, so stay tuned!**

**Please review! Next chappy is when the real fun starts =)**

**And something else that's new. I'm going to start dedicating each chapter to the person with the most awesome review, because honestly, I get some pretty awesome ones and it doesn't satisfy me enough to read some of them and then just respond going, 'Thanks!' because they deserve more than that. And since this is basically the only thing I can do....haha.**

**- The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	4. First Time

**Okay, this chapter's dedication is split about four or five ways, lol, because I couldn't decide.**

**Dedications for e-mazing reviews; either for content or just for making me laugh: Eve Royal, Jagga-Love, sydneybristow89, and emamula.**

**Also, thanks to AlohaBEL for the most epic review ever. Ahaha. And to moonwitche for helping me with the summary, being my manager, and staying up with me, iaa.**

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BPOV

_Did you ever think of me  
__As your best friend?  
__Did I ever think of you?  
__I'm not complaining._

**Eden **by Sarah Brightman

Edward skidded to a halt next to me, leaning on his knees and panting for breath. I stared at him wide-eyed, shocked and more than just a little worried. Was everything okay? Had anything happened? I was about to ask when he started talking first.

"Bella," he gasped for breath, looking up at me to meet my gaze.

"Why were you running?" I asked him, worried.

He ignored the question, but he was still trying to catch his breath too. "Bella," he panted. "Can we go to my place tonight? I want to tell you something. And I really don't want to tell you in a book store."

He looked so breathless and excited and wild-eyed it would have been impossible to say no even if I wanted to. Which I most certainly didn't. And besides, he quite obviously wanted to share with me something that he deemed quite important. I wouldn't miss it for the world, and I couldn't turn him down for it either.

"Sure," I told him, wondering what this could all be about.

Edward grabbed my hand in his as he began to walk and I had to resist the urge to gasp. How often had I imagined him holding my hand (among other things?) His hand was just as warm and large as I remembered, his grip firm and leading yet gentle and caring at the same time. No matter what he wanted to talk about, no matter how crazy and sudden this all seemed, whatever "this" was, I felt absolutely safe with him.

I memorized the route we were taking to his house, wishing wildly that it would not be the last time I would walk this path.

We were walking past a lot of upscale apartments, most penthouses. I was stunned but not really too surprised when we started to approach the doors of the largest one. It was a gorgeous building. On the inside at least. It had huge glass doors that were tinted enough that you couldn't see specific people but could see the hints of warm lighting from several huge chandeliers. The floors were marble, a swirling white and caramel color. The front desk was large and intimidating. I saw them swiftly glance at Edward's face and then they turned back to their work. Obviously, he was known, but he wasn't the only famous person here. In the short minute it took us to stride over to the elevators I spotted at least three people I suspected of being famous actors or actresses.

Edward stared at me intensely in the elevator, still feverish looking, and I shyly kept my eyes down.

We got off on the thirteenth floor, one of the top ones. There was one long hallway and only two doors on either side. We veered off to the right, Edward whipping out his card with practiced ease and sliding it through the expensive lock. Some lights blinked, and we were let in.

I was in a state of shock. It all seemed so surreal. Edward, _Edward_, was leading me to his couch in his obviously expensive, grand penthouse, seemingly out of no where, with bright eyes and blood high in his cheeks. No matter what he wanted to tell me right now, I knew it would be worth it.

He sat down on the couch and surprised me by picking up my hands, holding them tenderly in his own. My eyes were wide as they met his. It seemed impossible he couldn't hear my heart thumping embarrassingly loud in my chest.

"Bella," he breathed out, emerald eyes captivating as they held my own boring ones. "I want to tell you about what happened between me and my mother."

If it was at all possible, my eyes bugged even more. This was a subject he tended to avoid - I could see how it made him uncomfortable whenever the topic was breached, so I never pushed. Obviously it meant something to him. "Oh Edward you don't have to," I told him quickly, thinking of his brooding eyes from nights past. "I know that's really personal for you and - "

He cut me off. "Exactly," he said, eyes lighting up even more with a frenzied kind of excitement. "Exactly. Just listen please…"

How could I do anything else?

"I went back to Chicago two years after I left it. The guilt had gotten too bad, and I realized how stupid, how selfish I'd been, just abandoning her like that. So I went back. I went back to the house where we lived, but she wasn't there. I thought she moved, but eventually, I found out that she was in the hospital.

"So I went. And I learned that she'd been having failing health for the past two years anyway, and probably wasn't going to be able to make it this time. I went in to see her, and I remember how...how _fragile _she looked. Her hair had gotten much whiter than it should've been, her face hollowed out. I sat there while she slept, realizing that this was my fault. All of it."

Oh Edward, I wanted to say. I couldn't believe the kind of guilt that must be - the guilt of killing a loved one. And I knew, as any outside perspective would know, that it really _wasn't _his fault. Not to that degree. I opened my mouth to tell him so, but he placed his hand over it. I suddenly remembered my promise to just listen and closed my mouth again, trying to ignore the warmth from his hand. He went on.

"She woke up, and when she saw me...she looked so relieved. So happy. It was like a different woman was looking at me. And I really knew, could really see, how much I had hurt her, if that was her reaction. She talked to me for a while, and I just sat there listening - anything to make up for what I had done. She started getting tired, and her talking slowed. I decided that was probably the best time to apologize. And I started to, but by the time I was finished, I realized that she'd been asleep the whole time.

"...She never woke up again. Her heart failed during the night. She never heard me. She died thinking that I came back out of some...some...some preconceived duty; and not because I cared, because I loved her, because I was sorry for everything."

My heart was breaking. I could feel it. I'd always read about the feeling, but had never really known what it felt like to have the aching reality shoved down your chest - especially from someone you loved. Someone who didn't deserve to feel that way. _It's not your fault, it's not your fault! _I screamed inside my head while he stared at my hand. Why couldn't he hear me? It felt like he should be able to; the voice was so loud in my head. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. "Edward…" I whispered.

He looked up, eyes meeting mine again. He spoke before I was able to. "For so long, I've been haunted by that. And it's…it's scared me more than anything. It's made me scared to get close to anybody, to be myself. I haven't been happy in a long time…

"But you changed that Bella." His eyes flashed with conviction. My world tipped. "You changed everything. I'm happy again, for the first time in what feels like forever. When I'm around you, I can be myself, and be _happy _with that. You make me want to be close, to open up, to tell you everything; to take a chance because you…you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

This couldn't be real. He couldn't be saying this. Because that…that was how _I _felt. I didn't get a chance to recover before his warm hands were cupping my face, eyes wiping away everything else in the world. "I love you Bella," he said. "I love you."

His lips were moving but the sound coming from them couldn't be real.

My heart stopped. Time changed. Something altered inside my mind, inside my body, inside my heart, and I knew things could never go back to the way they were. _I _would never be the same again. Instinctively I realized, for better or for worse, this was my life now.

Agains tmy will I was sobbing, and I couldn't resist throwing myself at him, arms locking around his neck. I felt him return my embrace, holding me tightly. As if I was going anywhere.

"I love you too Edward," I cried, speaking louder than I wanted to so I knew there would be no mistakes. He would hear me. "I love you so much. I don't want you to be sad." The next words spilled from my mouth before I had the chance to stop them. "And I don't want to be alone anymore."

"Never." There was promise in his voice and my heart leaped, jumped, bounded. He placed a hand under my chin and pulled my face back to look at him, his long thumb wiping the tears on my face.

I suddenly realized how cheesy I was. The man I loved just told me he loved me back and I was ruining the moment with crying? I let out a laugh at my absurdity. It came out shakier than I expected.

"Sorry," I told him softly, bringing a hand up to quickly wipe away the tears he missed. "I know these are bad timing."

His face was soft, smile tender. I melted. And then he was leaning toward me and I knew what he meant to do. My heart sputtered erratically.

Our lips touched in a hail of electricity. I wondered if he felt it too. The kiss was soft…gentle. Perfect. What I had always imagined my first real kiss to be like and more. It was made even more enticing by the fact that it was _Edward_. His smell clung to me, weaving around my mind and making me feel positively drunk.

Without even meaning to I was clutching closer, trying to mold myself to his sculpted body. His lips were hypnotic. Warm. Sensual.

I barely even noticed when he lowered me back on to the couch, laying me down. The only real thing that caught my attention was the weight of his body on mine. Hard and solid; masculine. Oh…There was a heat beginning to flood through me, flooding toward one location that had never felt a reaction to anybody - except for him. His head tilted, lips firm, pressing, pleasurable. I sighed, opening my mouth to him. He took the opportunity I wanted him to, gently pressing his tongue into my mouth.

_Oh…_god, could he taste any better? Our tongues touched and met, exploring gently. The fire in me wanted more.

"Edward," I moaned, and I buried my fingers into his hair like I'd been dying to do ever since our first meeting. It was soft and silky to the touch, just like I'd always dreamed. It was like running my hand through a more solid version of water. I scratched his head as I raked my hands through his bronze locks. I could do this all day.

But he broke away, panting. I suddenly realized that my lungs were burning for oxygen. Oops…it hadn't seemed so important before. It still wasn't. Especially when his lips stayed on my skin, dragging down to my neck and lighting my skin aflame where ever his lips touched. I wanted to whimper, to do _something_, but I wondered if that would be pathetic. My breathing was starting to get embarrassingly loud. The heat and wetness between my legs intensified. I could feel his own desire pressing against my leg.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he whispered as he made wonderful work on my neck, nipping at my jugular vein. Unable to hold back my moan but trying, the sound came out choked, like a strange gurgle. _Way to go, _I thought sarcastically. _I'm sure he's dying to sleep you with now, weirdo._

But to my disbelief, I could feel him growing harder against my thigh and he shifted uncomfortably. Instinctively I reacted, grinding against him. Our hips met like puzzle pieces.

"Yes," I breathed, using his hair to guide him back to my mouth. I'd never wanted anything more in my life. I wanted him to fill me. "God yes…I've never done this before though," I suddenly admitted, feeling that it was necessary. What if he thought I was good at this kind of thing and I completely disappointed him? That sounded _exactly _like me. I tried to ignore it and just kissed him again and again.

"Neither have I," he told me quietly, smiling a little, and the words shocked me enough that he was able stand, pick me up and begin carrying me to his bedroom. It was so very hard to believe…but I trusted him. The idea that he was still as innocent as I was filled me renewed hope and excited me more. I attacked his neck with my lips as he carried me, craving the feel of his firm skin.

He groaned, and I suddenly realized that we were in his bedroom now. His arms released me into the middle of the soft monstrosity he had as a bed. He was over me in a second. "You're going to be the death of me," he whispered into my ear before his lips started making their homage down my neck and to the exposed skin of my chest that the tank top allowed. My breathing was harsh and ragged. He latched his mouth onto the top swell of my breast and began to suck. _I _was going to be the death of _him_? Oh no no no! This man would kill me first; I was certain of it.

"Edward," I whimpered to him, sounding pathetic to my own ears. "Edward, _please_, go faster."

I looked down as his lips curved up into a smirk against the top of my breast. My neck was heating. "No love," he murmured, and my heart leapt. His hands came up to push my jacket off and I yanked the offending article away from us. "I want to take my time with you."

Oh god…Yes, I was certain of it. I was going to spontaneously combust before this god of a man even got to deflower me. _Damn_.

His hands were gripping the bottom of my tank top, trying to pull it up. I sat up to make it easier and he pulled it all the off before dealing with it in much the same manner as I had with my hoodie. I laid back down and watched as his eyes immediately went to my chest. His mouth parted and his nostrils flared. I blushed. I hadn't put on a bra today because currently all of mine were drying at home. And what a night too… Fate must be kind because none of my bras were sexy. This was definitely better. I made a mental note to go shopping. And speaking of clothes…my Adonis didn't even have his shirt off.

"It's not fair," I told him breathlessly, sitting up to my elbows. His eyes never strayed from chest and to my surprise I felt flattered. I'd always been teased for being a slow developer. I was pleased that he didn't seem put off by my modest chest. Quite the opposite in fact. I watched as he shivered the tiniest bit.

"What's not fair?" he asked. His voice was an octave lower than normal and it turned me on more than should be possible - I couldn't help but to grin as the heat intensified.

"You're still fully dressed," I informed him, sitting up. He straddled me so close that I was fully pressed against him before I'd even sat up all the way. I resisted the urge to shudder as my bare chest met his clothed masculine body, the denim rubbing against my nipples.

Excited, I gripped his shirt after we discarded his jacket and helped him pull it up and off. I laid back down and pulled him on top of me, his bare chest against mine. I kissed his mouth hard, trying to release and understand this heavenly feeling of our flesh melding together. It felt so right. My every curve molded to every plane of his muscled chest. He was absolutely gorgeous. The perfect specimen of man. His tongue easily dominated mine and he explored my mouth. He was mine…

His hands, which had been resting on and caressing my shoulders slid down, his skin warm and dry. Rough in the way that men's hands were. Mind-blowing. He hesitated above my elbow before he slid his hands over to cup my breasts.

Our tongues and mouths broke away as we both moaned. This felt so _right_. I moved my hands from hair to grip his shoulders as I arched into his hands, aching to be touched more. His lips kissed down the skin of my neck (did he have a fetish? Must ask when I can think straight) and at the same time, he removed most of his hands from my breast. I was about to whimper in desperation when his thumbs and forefingers lightly trailed to my nipples, pinching and pulling experimentationally.

I let out an embarrassingly loud cry, my hips immediately thrusting up to meet his. How could he make me react so strongly? "Oh god…Edward…"

He grinned at me, pleased with himself, before his lips descended to my flesh once more, closing in around my nipple, his tongue doing amazing, incredible things to my pleasure receptors and my thinking process. His other hand kneaded my unsuckled breast, a fire flaming through me wherever his skin touched. I slid my hands from his toned shoulders to his hair, loving the texture on my hands along with everything else. I was panting, my breaths shallow and loud, head leaning back.

Unexpectedly, his teeth nipped at the sensitive flesh he'd just ravished and I automatically screamed, my hands in his hair jerking. I worried belatedly that I might have caused some damage.

But Edward was just smirking against my skin again. "Mmm…" he murmured, amused. "So Bella likes it rough does she?"

His lips left my breast to trail down my stomach. If he wasn't causing me to lose my mind, I might have been able to see truly how ridiculous my situation was. I had no idea what I didn't like and what I did - though I was quickly realizing that anything he did was pretty damn amazing. As it was, I could only let out a weak laugh. "What can I say?" I breathed, slightly amused too but more turned on that anything. My hands went to his shoulders as his mouth trailed ever low. I couldn't think about what I was saying. His lips felt too good. "I've always been curious if I could leave scratches down someone's back."

He froze right above my jeans, and I wanted to scream. _Never speak again! _I internally scolded. He was very close to where I was aching so… But then he growled. And it was probably the sexiest thing I'd ever heard in my life. I almost fainted right then and there I was so hot and bothered at this point.

"Well you can't do it to _someone_," he growled. "But by all means…_I'm _a willing candidate."

I would definitely remember that. The thought made me giggle - until I felt his teeth pressing at my center through the material of my jeans. I screamed without realizing it until after. Holy hell…was that even _legal_?

"Edward…" His name came out a helpless moan. "Oh god, more, please…"

I watched as his hands immediately scrabbled at the button of his jeans, pushing them down and kicking them out of sight in record time. What shocked me and turned me on even more was when he turned that magical skill on me too. My jeans were off before I could do more than continue my ragged breathing.

He stared at my underwear and _that_ was when it hit me what I was wearing. The grin on his face was not helping me feel better about the situation. My face felt on fire. I'd worn my HP boy shorts today. _Screw you Fate! Damn you to the bowels of hell! I take back what I said before about the bra._ I sat up, embarrassment making me defensive. "Well," I stammered. "I wasn't exactly expecting to declare myself tonight and make love with you! Give me a break."

The man never ceased to shock me and make me feel like my bones had turned to jelly. Without responding, he bent his head back down and took the band of my crazy underwear in his _teeth_ and pulled them down slowly, his breath cool and enticing as it passed over my center. I couldn't help my gasp. My arms lost their bones and I fell back on the bed completely, breathing harshly. This kept getting hotter and hotter. "_More, _Edward, _go faster_."

"I can't," he told me. He sounded amused. "Obviously, I'm not doing my job right if you can still form coherent sentences."

Oh for the love of - ! I growled in frustration, but unfortunately it wasn't nearly as impressive as his. His lips were sucking on my inner thigh, _so _close to me, driving me insane. I let out an unrestrained whimper of need.

His lips kissed up until they _finally _planted themselves lightly on the place of my desire, no doubt soaking wet. My hips bucked towards him naturally, needing more. Uncontrollable sounds were erupting from my mouth. How the hell was he so _good _at this?

He groaned. "You're so wet…" he breathed into me. I didn't even have time to react before his tongue was on my core and dragging upward, a long, languorous lick that left me panting. His amazing tongue penetrated me, and my moans came heavier, little cries now and then. I was squirming, head thrashing, hands gripping the sheets convulsively. His hands came up to my hips to hold me still, tongue exploring, lips sucking. "_Touch me_ Edward," I found myself crying out. I could feel the dull, angry throbbing in my neglected bundle of nerves.

His thumb acquiesced and the minute he touched my clit I lost all control on my vocal cords, screaming out. In the back of my mind I thanked the size of his living quarters, hoping that meant nobody could hear me.

He broke away from me, panting, and shoved his boxers down. Oh my… From what I had seen in pictures and in movies, a man's penis had always looked strange to me. But him? He was beautiful. And he made my skin burn.

He crawled on top of my, and his hardness settled in between my legs. It felt like home already. Our hips connected perfectly. We were jigsaw puzzle pieces that fit, lining up just right. "Edward," I couldn't help to moan. "Please, let me feel you…"

He groaned himself, leaning down to kiss me again. I could taste myself on him and was surprised at how much I liked the mix. My arms wrapped around his neck and he situated himself to enter me. "You ready?" he whispered. He was nothing if not a gentleman. Trying not to think about everything I'd ever heard about the pain of the first time, I merely kissed him again. His lip's touch always sent everything else flying from my mind.

I felt the tip of him sliding in slowly. I breathed deeply through my nose as he pushed in just a little more.

A deep rumbling was coming from the inside of his chest as he nestled his head into my neck, the feeling sliding through my nerve endings. "Oh god," he growled. "Bella, you're so _tight_."

He was ethereal as he said that to me, half way inside my body. I couldn't think. "That's… good?" I groaned out, trying to remember how to speak. I was stretching, but I wanted him in _deep_.

"Yes," he gasped near my ear, his voice sending a shiver through my spine. "Oh god, yes…"

He was almost all the way in and it wasn't hurting exactly yet. But then I felt him hit my barrier, and I sucked in a deep breath. His lips covered mine, a deep kiss meant to distract me. I concentrated on the sensuality of his very touch, gripping his shoulders. His hips rocked forward, and my barrier broke. It hurt and I whimpered, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I kept my lips glued to his, because it made me feel better.

His lips broke from mine. "I love you," he whispered. The way he said it…you'd think I was something to be treasured. It made me believe him, for just one moment.

"I love you too," I breathed. I'd never felt so complete in my life. He sat buried to the hilt within me, and I couldn't remember my own name. Just that I loved him, Edward, and I needed him to _move_. I thrusted my hips lightly against him.

He pulled out slowly and then rocked back inside of me. I automatically arched my body into his, our groans tangling and intermingling. I pressed against him as hard I could, wanting closeness.

He continued thrusting. It was easy - we worked so perfectly together. Our skin was taking on a light sheen of sweat as he began pumping into me harder than before. It was like every time he pushed in, he pushed a moan, a groan, a heavy breath from me in response. I clenched around him on occasion, his firmness filling me, and he seemed to like that. I enjoyed listening to his sounds, watching his face filled with pleasure.

I wanted more.

"Harder," I cried out, arching into him. "_Faster."_

He didn't deny me. He just let loose one of those erotic snarls that left me reeling for breath, and pulled out until only his tip was within me. He slammed back inside fiercely, hitting deep and eliciting a scream on both our parts. He did it again and again, our hips grinding.

I wrapped my legs around them, and he sunk in even deeper. I gasped, my head falling back in ecstasy as I moved my hips with him, stimulating the entirety of his skin surrounding his manhood. He hissed, his hips tilting and brushing my clit. I was whimpering, walls tightening.

His hand trailed between us, before his fingers took possession of my clit again and pressed firmly, rubbing.

"Oh god!" I screamed, fingers raking down his back unthinkingly. His head dropped next to my ear, the sound of his heavy breathing pushing me even closer to the edge. I was so close…

"Do you like that?" he breathed out. "Do you want me to rub harder?"

I couldn't take this! Not this feeling of being so close, not his erotic breath and words in my ear. Everything around me fell. "God…fuck!" I screamed, so lost. "_Yes!_"

He sucked in a breath and slammed into me so hard that I _finally _tumbled over my edge, my world exploding in waves and waves of intense pleasure. I was trembling and crying out wild sounds of pleasure along with him. It was a feeling so intense it bordered on pain.

Shaking slightly, he collapsed on top of me, his weight firm and solid. Languidly, still trying to catch my breath, I wrapped my arms around his neck. My legs had never uncircled from around his waist.

"I'm sorry," he chuckled softly after a moment, the sound drained and deep. "I know I'm crushing you."

I tightened my grip on him as much as I could in my loosened state. "No," I murmured. I never wanted him to get off of me. To pull out. "I like it."

He laughed faintly and slowly exited me, obviously not believing me, falling on his back and grabbing my waist, pulling me on top of him. I felt him pull the covers up over us.

I had never felt this content or comfortable in my life. And certainly never with another person. I closed my eyes, snuggling into his chest. He smelled so good, he felt so nice…I smiled at the thought.

"You're beautiful," Edward whispered to me. His hand rested on my back, brushing lightly up and down my skin.

I couldn't help but to laugh a little at his blindness. He needed to turn that statement on himself. "And that, Mr. Masen, is where you have it backwards." I yawned, letting my body settle down further into his. A thought struck me hazily. "You'll be here when I wake up right?" I asked, tired. He had completely worn me out.

"Depends on when you get up," he murmured back to me. I felt his face press into my hair. "I still have work tomorrow."

Work? How was that even _possible_? It felt like the world should just stop and let us enjoy this perfection. I smiled even wider, laughing at myself. I was such a sap. "Oh yeah, Mr. Super Star. I forgot. You have to go make countless women swoon." Unfortunately, it wasn't just a joke.

His voice was quiet and loving when he spoke next, his words mimicking the caress that his hand was applying to my hair. "You're all I care about, though."

I felt like I could cure the world from hate with the absolute love and happiness that filled my heart.

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_Thanks for noticing._

**- Eeyore**

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Woo! 'Nother chapter down. Oh, just to let you guys know - for those who have read the one-shot, you might remember how I said that Twilight was Edward's next project, but I'm cutting that out of this story. It was really just the whole inside joke of Rob playing Edward. But to clear that up, this is NOT a Rob story. The references in the one-shot were just for laughs. This is definitely Edward. I love Rob to bits, but I don't want to write about him, lol.

**This chapter was going to have the next scene, but this was so long as it was…lol. My smut is always so **_**long**_**. Maybe I should work on that.**

**News! Me and three other coolio authors (moonwitche, Raille/DQRC, and cdunbar) have started a podcast where we read, review, and discuss Twilight fan fiction. Not as formal as it sounds. We're insane and random, listen for a good time filled with laughs and awesome fic recommendations! We have two episodes up and the third one should be coming out shortly. It's in the editing process at the moment. The link is on the top of my profile!**

**By the way, you might have noticed that I changed the title and that was because it wasn't working for me. One, it was too long. And second, it only accurately described the one-shot. It only describes the beginning here.**

**Anyway, review, and I will update quickly! The hard part is over. The story continues unchartered (to you guys) from here…**

**- TRE**


	5. Awkward

**Oh, I was so mad last chapter because I had the perfect quote that I was going to put at the end, and I had been planning to put at the end since the beginning, and I forgot it! But I edited it in, so go look! Please…**

**Most Awesome Review Dedication: emamula. You're too cute and sweet! And the fact that you brought up house-elves (my weakness) just secured this dedication. And Jagga-Love, you're one of my favorite people, haha. I like your compliments far too much to be good for me.**

**And thanks moon(.)witche for putting up with my lies of having "the chapter out tonight." Go check out her story **_**Echoes of an Enigma**_**. It is pure awesomeness.**

**And, ****I was really surprised by how many vehement responses I got about the 'too long lemon' comment. Lol guys, I was just joshing!**

**Oh, and there's a 'Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy' reference in here if you can find it. Probably one of the best cartoons **_**ever**_**.**

**Warning: This chapter contains…weirdness. I wrote about 3/5 of it while on extreme, cumulative sleep-deprivation. Just so you're warned.**

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EPOV

_Where was I before the day,  
__That I first saw your lovely face?_

**The Luckiest **by Ben Folds Five

I woke up quite early the next morning, much earlier than I needed to. I think it was the weight of _her _on top of me that caused it - I wasn't used to it yet, this warm feminine flesh pressed so tightly, so securely, so trustingly against me.

I thrilled myself with the thought that I would have many more nights to get used to it.

_Because she loved me_.

I stared at her. The clock blinked five a.m. and my eyes never wavered, not feeling remotely tired though I should.

She was a goddess incarnate. Beautiful, creamy skin. Long, thick black eyelashes. Pink, full, parted lips. Wavy dark brown hair. So dark that when it was wet it looked almost black - like when it'd clung to her glistening face last night.

I almost groaned. Thinking about that would only earn me a hard-on, and she was trying to sleep. I could see though, her breasts pressed flat against my chest, spilling over the side of her frame, and her tempting cleavage calling out to me.

Fuck me, but she was exquisite.

What had I done to deserve this angel? This angel who saved me and had purged my heart of its guilt and loneliness. I moved one of my arms to trail my fingertips up and down her spine lightly. She had the softest skin I'd ever felt - like I could bruise her so easily. With a sharp jolt I realized I'd been more than just a little rough last night…and it was her - our - first time. _Fuck_. I was a selfish bastard. My eyes quickly swept over her body, without the haze of lust, and I was relieved to see that there was no visible bruising. _Yet_.

Panic was building, but I forced myself to take a few deep, calming breaths. My chest rose and fell a little bit more noticeably, and Bella let out a small sigh, her fingers flexing just the tiniest amount, her nails grazing my skin.

I shook the dark thoughts out of my mind for now. Valid or not, I knew myself well enough to recognize that I was deliberately trying to create problems where there were none - because I'd never felt like this. So…weightless. Like nothing could go wrong here, in the dark of my room, with Bella on top of me and the covers encasing us together. My hand, which had stilled in fear, once again began its soft journey up and down her back. My other arm wrapped securely around her waist.

There was a feeling of permanence settling inside my veins. It had built up slowly the whole last month…gradually lining the insides of my heart with _her_, until I knew there would never be any going back. I was here forever or until she told me to leave. It felt to me like I'd been waiting for her my entire life. My slice of heaven of earth. I just wondered how I deserved it. What justified me getting all the happiness I ever wanted so early on?

I remembered that my mother used to tell me that when I found the right girl for me, I would know it. That men don't fall easily, but when they do, they fall hard. And, like with everything, she was right. Bella Swan; clumsy, sweet, beautiful, selfless, sarcastic, funny, thoughtful, deep, amazing Bella Swan …she was my life now.

My brushing hand ghosted over her back to pet her hair, gently tucking a stray strand that had fallen over her face behind her ear. It had been blocking my view - no matter how partial - of her gorgeous face. Intolerable.

I let my hand lightly cup the side of her cheek, lifting my hand to trace over her features delicately, stroking over and around her brow, eyelids, nose, lips, jaw. She was so achingly lovely. She couldn't be real. I felt like she was going to disappear right underneath my fingertips.

Then she was shifting slightly, and her hand came up to gently grab a hold of mine, the one touching her face. Her lips curved upwards into a smile and slowly her eyes opened, blinking softly, before lifting them to look at me.

Her smile was so tender, eyes so warm, that I could've fallen apart. I might have, for all I could tell.

"Good morning," I whispered.

Her smile widened. "It is," she agreed quietly, moving her head so that her chin rested against my chest, looking at me straight on. Ah, I could see her entire face now…much better.

I honestly wasn't sure what to say yet. What _could _I say that would accurately portray all my ardent thoughts and feelings for her? So instead of humiliating myself or, worse, ruining the moment, I just stared at her, stroking the side of her face again, and sometimes running my fingers through the silky smooth strands of her hair.

Her eyes took on a contemplative stare. "Are you even real?" she whispered to me.

It was so absurd and so absurdly right that I couldn't help but to chuckle a little. "I certainly hope so," I said, looking at her wistfully. "I'd hate to think that it was all a dream…"

"Me too," she agreed quietly. Her fingertips started to trace light circles on my chest. "Are you okay?" she suddenly asked, louder than we'd been talking before. It caught me off guard so much I almost jumped.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. Was I okay? What a silly question. I couldn't remember ever being as okay as I was right now.

"I mean…" she blushed, gesturing to herself. "I've kind of been laying on top of you all night…and I'm not the lightest…"

I rolled my eyes. "You're fine," I told her sardonically. My hand trailed down the entirety of her back, more firm than before. She shivered the tiniest bit, sending pleasurable sparks through my body. "If I could have you like this permanently, I would."

She laughed and rolled her eyes as well, resting her head back down more contently, snuggling into me like a cat. _Stay there, just like that, _I wanted to say. _Don't ever move away from me._

"What about you?" I asked, thoughts returning to my rough handling of her last night. "Are _you_ okay?"

She glanced up, surprised. "Of course," she answered at once. She gave me a Cheshire grin. "Never better."

"Really? I thought that…virgin women felt…sore, in the morning."

She blinked. "Oh yeah. I hadn't even thought about it." I rolled my eyes. Of course she hadn't.

She sat up slowly, stretching a bit. Her legs started to separate slightly, but then she winced and laid back down on me. Guilt seeped through my system.

"Sorry," I whispered, wishing for nothing more than the power to take the pain away. Or to ensure that she'd never felt it at all.

"Oh hush," she said crossly. "This is supposed to happen. It _had _to happen one day anyhow. Unless I was doomed to be a virgin forever. And I _definitely _didn't want that to happen."

"What would you have done if it did?" I asked, amused.

"Oh, I had contingency plans," she informed me matter-of-factly. "If by thirty I hadn't gotten laid, I just would've dragged some random guy into an alley and raped him."

I had to laugh out loud. "I doubt you would've needed to _rape _him. Any man would only be too willing."

"Says you," she responded shortly. "And you're rather biased."

I smirked at her, crossing my arms behind my head. "Well, I think I can verify that it's an experience many would kill for - much like I would kill anyone who tried."

Bella looked down at her hands and began to fiddle with them. I grew concerned after about a minute of silence. Had that come off as too possessive? We'd already declared ourselves, but maybe it was a bit too much too soon…

"So you did enjoy it then?" she finally whispered. "I was okay?"

"_Bella_," I groaned out in frustration. And here I was thinking it was something _sensible. _"Of all the ridiculous…" I grabbed her waist and gently rolled us over so her back was to the bed and I could lean over her.

She stared up at me with her wide eyes, and I let my fingertip outline her mouth lightly. "It appears there's been some kind of mistake," I started slowly. "Some miscommunication, if you think that last night was anything less than the greatest night of my life."

"The greatest night of your _life_?" she repeated hopefully, eyes imploring. Silly, insecure girl.

I smiled. "Indeed. I mean, didn't you see my orgasm face?" I scrunched my face up, crossing my eyes slightly and sticking my tongue out. She started to giggle loudly and I beamed down at her, happy that she was happy.

"You didn't look like that silly," she giggled, pushing against my chest with her hand. I grabbed her hand and kissed it. "You looked…beautiful."

"Says the pot to the kettle," I murmured, dropping my head to nudge my nose along her neck. I placed a light kiss to her smooth, soft skin.

"Mmm…" she hummed. "Edward…I want you to kiss me."

I lifted my head to look at her and then grinned. _Yes ma'am…_

My mouth met hers softly, lips molding to my mine. It was a wondrous feeling. I brought a hand to the back of her head to push her lips more firmly against mine. She tasted absolutely divine. Decadent. I pulled her bottom lip into my mouth and sucked gently. God…not even seven yet and I was already feeling stirrings in my nether regions.

She moaned and tilted her head to press her tongue into my mouth. My breathing became a bit more ragged and I shifted, bringing myself to lay on top of her unthinkingly. Automatically it seemed, her legs spread for me. But I _felt _her wince, and that brought me back to reality. I pulled away abruptly, my head spinning. It felt like nothing I'd done while kissing her was done consciously. Damn. I'd definitely have to be careful for now - especially since it didn't seem like I could control myself _at all _when it came to her.

Bella's hand wound into my hair, trying to pull my face back to hers. "No, don't stop," she whimpered. "Kiss me again."

What was I supposed to do against that?

With a groan I crashed my lips back to hers. She felt too good - her naked body pressed against me, every curve molding itself to my shape. I loved how…_feminine_, she was.

"Touch me," she whispered again. Without realizing I was doing it, my hands slid to cup her breasts. These were possibly my favourite pieces of flesh. So warm and full and _touchable._ They filled my hand like they were designed for were mine. I squeezed a bit, and ran my thumbs over her hardened nipples. We both moaned.

Her legs wrapped around my waist, and though she tried to hide it I felt her body stiffen for a moment. I trailed my mouth to her neck and let go of her breasts. It was difficult - my length was very close to the source of her heat, and it felt like hell to have to stop. But I wasn't going to hurt her. Never that. Even though I hated to deny her anything. Everything she'd told me to do in the last few minutes I'd done. It was almost frightening, the control she had over me.

"No sex," I whispered. "At least until tomorrow. You're still sore."

"No fair," she pouted. "I'm just fine."

I smiled and kissed her lips lovingly once more. "If you say so."

She huffed, and then glanced over at the clock. "Don't you have to go to work?" she asked, surprised, before she turned sheepish. "It's my fault if you're late…"

I grinned, shaking my head. "I don't have to leave for a little while. Anyway, it's a loose business and it takes forever to get set up anyway. The time we're 'supposed' to get there is kind of just a round about estimate. As long as you're there close to it, you're fine. You can always blame it on paparazzi anyway."

She gave a soft laugh. "So you're leaving soon?" Her full lip pushed out in a small pout.

"I'm definitely reconsidering it," I muttered huskily, transfixed by her mouth.

"Don't do that," she scolded. "You have responsibilities. Now come on - you definitely need a shower if you don't want to start filming smelling like sex."

"And who says I don't?" I grinned cheekily at her.

She blushed. "Well you do smell good," she murmured, staring at the blanket, and I almost moaned.

"Alright," I breathed. "Let's get in the shower before I decide to just keep you here all day with me." I paused, actually considering it for a moment, before she giggled and shoved me, sitting up.

"You're a trouble maker," she murmured, and began to try swinging her legs out over the bed. But she was still wincing and I took affirmative action, scooping her small body up easily into my arms bridal style and standing.

It was absolutely astonishing to me, but for the first time, as I was carrying her into my bathroom, she _finally _seemed to truly comprehend that she was very naked, and very exposed to me. Her blush covered from her hairline all the way down to her chest, and my breath caught. Awkwardly, she tried crossing her arms over her breasts, but there was no way in hell I was standing for that. Catching her hands after I'd stood her in my shower, I gently placed them down at her sides. She was still blushing.

"Now is a really late time to get all modest on me," I murmured to her, smirking as I dipped my head lower in order to meet her eyes that were steadily looking downward. She seemed unable to resist responding to my grin and smiled awkwardly.

"Sorry," she whispered. "This is kind of new to me."

"And this isn't kind of new to me too?"

"Yeah, well, you're perfect," she stated, as if it was the silliest thing ever.

I turned the shower on, placing my back to it so the initial cold water hit me alone before it heated up. I put my hands on her waist and pulled her flush against me. "Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered into her ear, and she gulped, hands settling on my chest. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. If you ever try to pretend that you're not again, there's going to be consequences." I have no idea what made me say it, since I didn't have anything particular in mind yet, but when she began to tremble against my body I figured I'd think of something if the time came.

"That's actually pretty good incentive to be insecure," she breathed shakily. "You're not doing a good job persuading me."

I had to laugh.

**

* * *

**********

BPOV

"_I might have been able to make it as a pitcher except for one thing: I had a rather awkward motion and every time I brought my left arm forward I hit myself in the ear." _

_- _**Casey Stengel **

At around half past seven Edward left, giving me a sweet and gentle good-bye kiss.

"I love you," he'd whispered in my ear, and I melted. It was the first time he'd said it since the other night.

My hands had tightened in his hair. "I love you too," I'd murmured. This was exactly the kind of moment that I rolled my eyes at when I read about it in books, but then dreamt about yearningly as I fell asleep, the day's exhaustion allowing me to give in to my secret longings, wishing someone would care for me like that. It seemed overwhelming to know that I _did _have somebody now. And especially after a life of having no one. This would take getting used to.

But now I was kind of just sitting here on his couch. I really wasn't sure _what _I was supposed to do. I mean, was I supposed to stay here until he came home? Was I supposed to leave? Was I supposed to leave and come back later? What time later? Oh…all the _practical _details we had completely neglected to talk about. No, let me just grope him and stick my tongue in his mouth instead! And it's okay because love automatically gives you contact information and everything! It struck me I didn't even have his cell number. Somehow it'd just never come up. Damn. And how could I ask him what to do without being completely awkward?

And why is reality such a bitch?

I'd just had the greatest night of my entire life, and now I was curled up on Edward's leather sofa stressing over what was expected of me now. Was I supposed to keep up our normal routine? Leave and meet him at the book store at eight? It seemed like that routine should be altered now, but what the hell did I know…

"_Arghhhh_!" I growled out angrily to the silent air. All of my inexperience was coming back to bite me in the ass. I was thankful that I'd waited to give up all of my firsts to the right man, but damn! I had no idea what to _do_.

I wanted to call my mom, but a) I really wasn't sure I wanted to tell her what happened yet. And b) it was still like, three in the morning where she was.

"_Uh yeah mom, I know you just woke up and all, but I just slept with the man of my dreams, you know, the one I'm in love with? Romantic book-store dude? Well, great news, he loves me too! But he's kind of at work and I'm in his pent house, and I'm not sure if I should stay or not…Help me out? Oh, and, by the way, I've neglected to mention for quite some time now that he's probably one of the most famous actors in the world currently. Because, you know, details details!"_

Yeah, I don't think she'd concentrate on anything else after I told her that bit of info. Which is why I was so trepidatious about doing so.

Well…it was still pretty early. No sense in leaving just this minute. Might as well look around the house of the famous Edward Masen…

Standing up and stretching, grimacing slightly - though I was definitely feeling better and I didn't honestly believe we'd have to wait until _tomorrow_ to have sex again - I yawned and pulled down the ends of Edward's button-up shirt. I have to be honest…the couple of buttons undone, revealing partial amounts of my breasts, and the way the shirt only fell to mid-thigh made me feel kind of…sexy. But really only when Edward was staring at me.

It struck me then that if - when - I left, I'd be leaving in the same clothes I came in. The thought was making me blush already. I hoped that nobody would notice. Probably not. Nobody had noticed me before - why would they now? _My _world may have been invariably altered, but _their's _hadn't.

I walked out of the living room and entered a dining room area. There was a small table with one chair. It reminded me of my home. With a saddened heart I realized Edward and I weren't so different - we were both pretty solitary. My heart ached more for him, because he _could _have company - everybody knew him. But his old guilt kept him isolated. I wanted to rectify that.

Walking farther in, I froze. I found what must be heaven, surely. It was…

The most perfect specimen of kitchen to ever grace a household.

Oh my…

I used to love to cook all the time. But when I moved into my tiny, shabby apartment, the kitchen was just so unusable that I found myself uninspired and unmotivated to make anything. I hadn't really cooked in such a long time.

But _this _kitchen. I just wanted to whip out a spatula and an apron and get started with Pat the Baker. I was inspired, refreshed, rejuvenated…just _staring _at it was making me feel like a top chef.

It was stainless steel, up to date. Wide fridge, spacious cabinets, plenty of workspace…it was all so _shiny_, and _new-looking_, and _sleek_, and _immaculate_, and _drool-worthy_. The list could go on!

I walked in as if in a haze. I wondered why there were tiles beneath my feet and not fluffy clouds. I spun around, gaping and awed.

If I didn't love Edward Cullen before, I sure did now.

I didn't know what to touch first, and wasn't even sure if I should. I stood there, wavering, my eyes on the wide fridge doors that looked just a scale below restaurant-design.

_Open me Bella…open me…I _want _you to…_

Oh heavens, the fridge was speaking to me. Oh well. Shouldn't resist Fridge after all. And if it wanted me to open it…well, who was I to say no?

I stepped forward giddily, my fingers waggling toward the handle. Gripping it hesitantly, I pried it open with tact, like it was a fragile, beautiful thing.

I almost had a hernia when I saw what was inside.

Almost _nothing_! A two liter of soda. Ketchup. A box of take-out. A small jar of pickles. Can of whip cream.

All that space! All that glorious empty beautiful need-to-be-filled-so-I-could-cook-wonderful-culinary-delights space!!!

_Edward won't stock me Bella…he abandons me…_you _won't neglect me, will you Bella?_

That man and I were having a talk when we met again. This kind of abuse should be illegal!

Biting my lip, I decided I should leave before the cabinets and god knows what else started to speak to me too. As interesting as it was to have inanimate objects whisper things inside your head, I was pretty sure that was lock-away behavior.

Backing slowly out of the kitchen and into a hall on the other side, I continued to explore.

There was a gym I found, with quite a few pieces of expensive looking equipment I'd be afraid to touch because I'd think I'd break it. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised - I'd seen his body, and I'm sure he wasn't just born looking like a Greek god. I wondered how many hours he spent in here - and that led to thoughts of sweat dripping down his body, and _that _left me leaning against the door frame, shaking.

Definitely going to have to watch that one day.

There was a guest bedroom and bath. Not really stocked up. A bed with sheets. Some towels in the bathroom.

And then there was his bedroom again. I went inside the darkened room, wrapping myself around the fresh memories. I crawled into the bed slowly, the smell of our sex still strong. It smelled really good to me. I laid against the soft sheets, missing Edward's hard body already. And the feel of his bare flesh inside me…

I bolted upright. My eyes widened in horror.

We hadn't used protection! And I wasn't on the pill! Oh, how could I have been so _careless_? But I'd found that this man made me do strange things - things I never would have done before. Like be open with myself. And stop thinking every little thing through. Relax, even.

Which would be good. If I hadn't been lax on something that actually mattered.

I took a deep breath. Well, I could fix this. I'd just zip down to the nearest pharmacy and buy a morning after pill. No need to freak out…everything would be fine, and I'd buy some birth control while I was at it.

No need to freak out.

I was just _so _grateful that some pharmacies in California allowed you to buy the morning after pill without a prescription. The last thing I wanted to do was go to clinic.

**

* * *

**********

EPOV

_Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. _

**Wethern Law**

I tapped my foot anxiously on one side of the stage, as Glenda, one of make-up artists, brushed me up. Other crew members roamed around, fixing up the stage as necessary and getting everything coordinated for the next shoot. The director was talking emphatically to the writer. I could tell from the way the red was creeping up the back of Nigel - the director's - neck that he would probably be letting us go in an hour.

_Yes!_

Out of my periphery I saw Tanya, my fellow lead, slowly stalking toward me, hiding behind things and ducking out of sight so as to sneak up on me. My lips twitched in to a smile, but still I gently extricated myself from Glenda's brush, preparing to make a hasty get-away.

I had been quite successful in avoiding Tanya all day, despite this cat-and-mouse game we were playing. It made me feel eight years old again. The only times we'd talked was when we were filming - and then, of course, that wasn't really _us _talking but our characters.

I knew that when she caught up she was going to dig - because of yesterday.

**Flashback**

_Tanya had walked up to me as I was removing the foundation last night, the director having just given us the "ok go" to leave.._

_"So Edward," she'd grinned, leaning against the mirror attached to the table. "Who's the lucky lady?" I'd resisted the urge to grimace - she'd definitely noticed my goofy smiles and lack of ability to perform kissing scenes._

_"No one you know," I'd said offhandedly. I really didn't mind Tanya. She was a nice person, a good friend. _

_She was rather nosy though. But then, she'd informed me that that was common in the human species: curiosity._

_She'd rolled her eyes. "Obviously. But what's her name?"_

_I'd hesitated a moment before giving in. "Bella," I'd told her, and a smile had formed on my lips without my direct permission for it to do so._

_Her grin had softened at that, into a tender smile._

_"Bella..." she'd said slowly, trying it around on her tongue. "That's pretty."_

_"It fits her," I'd agreed, throwing down the cloth and shrugging on my gray hoodie._

_She'd said nothing more and I began to walk away, trying to calm myself from running. It was almost eight - the usual time to meet Bella. I was at the door when she'd finally called to me, "It's good to finally see you happy Edward. Thank your girlfriend for me."_

_I'd paused for a few long moments, before finally turning to face her. "She's...not exactly my girlfriend," I'd confessed, a pull to my lips. Oh how I had wished. The fears seemed to silly now._

_Tanya's eyes had widened, before they turned sympathetic. "Oh...does she have a boyfriend already?"_

_I'd grimaced. "No. She's single."_

_She had looked confused at that admission. "Then what's the problem? Why aren't you two an item?"_

_Of course she was right - there was no real reason I hadn't made a move; aside from being a coward, that is._

_I'd shrugged, keeping my eyes glued on the floor. "I don't know," I'd whispered. "I'm scared, I guess? That she won't feel the same way."_

_Tanya had rolled her eyes. "Well she's stupid then," she'd said pointedly. "But I doubt that. Listen to me Edward, and listen good. The things in this world worth having aren't easy to obtain. You have to make an effort. A sacrifice. A _chance. _This girl got pretty much handed to you - are you just going to sit there and not grab on to her?"_

_I'd stared at her silently for a few moments. _"Thank you." _A whisper had been all there was to say. That was when I'd turned on my heel and ran to change my life._

**End Flashback**

As eternally grateful as I truly was - for, without Tanya, I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to find my balls - I also didn't want to get into details with her.

My foot started to inch along the floor as I sidled away…

"OH NO YOU DON'T MASEN! NOT AGAIN!"

I had been completely unprepared for the 5"6 strawberry blonde to come hurtling onto my back from behind me - how had she gotten that _close_? - her arms locking into a choke-hold around my throat.

I gagged, trying to cry out but not having the breath to do so. How was this _possible_!? Hadn't she used to be a…I dunno…_ballerina _or something? I hadn't realized she also held the medal for World-Champion wrestler extraordinaire.

"Let…go…" I wheezed, trying to tug her arms loose from my neck.

"Not until you promise to talk to me," she hissed into my ear.

Ballerina, actress, wrestler, absolutely psychotic…

I envisioned this as the scene in Order of the Phoenix where Voldemort infiltrated Harry's body, locking around him and possessing him. Visions of Bella swam to my mind as I tried to use the force of my love to get Tanya to flee my body, being tortured by the absolute pure, raw power of it.

But the choke-hold remained.

Tanya was obviously stronger than even the Darkest wizard of all time.

Maybe I was doing it wrong. I should re-read that chapter. I bet Bella had the books. Bella. I must stay alive for her.

I was slowly losing the oxygen in my brain…

"I promise, I promise!"

"Hmpf!" With a self-satisfied sigh she jumped off my back, breaking her grip on my neck. I doubled over immediately, placing my hand on the nearest thing to me to steady myself. Oh, life! Oh joyous life! The oxygen was returning to me!

"Now spill," she demanded, putting her hands on her hips. For a minute I was reverted back to high school.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently, standing up straight again slowly as I rubbed my abused neck.

"Cut the shit Masen, I want to know _now!"_

"Haha. You stomped your foot like a little girl."

"I'm going to guess it went well or else you wouldn't be this happy." She sidled up closer, looking at me coyly under her eyelashes. "Sooo…what happened…?"

I smiled down at the floor, knowing what details she was looking for. I gave her a pure one instead. "She loves me too."

"That's nice. And what else?"

"Leave me alone Tanya." I almost spun on my heel before I remembered the last time I'd turned my back to her. I began to edge away sideways, like a crab.

"You so had sex last night!!" She squealed, capturing the attention of everyone within a thirty-foot radius. Most of the crew. Great. "I totally see a scratch on your back!"

My face turned red, but man that I am I couldn't smother the grin that twitched over my face as my memories of last night flooded forward.

Her writhing body.

Her nails scratching my back.

Her heady breaths in my ear as she moaned my name.

I checked my watch. Almost eight, the normal time of release. I glanced up at Nigel and now he was in some heated debate with someone from lights and sound.

_We may get out of here sooner than I thought_.

"And now he's checking his watch because he's going to go get some more," Tanya sneered. "Give the girl a break Edward." She glanced at her watch as well. "But I kind of want to hit out of here too, so I'm going to do you, _yet another _favor Eduardo."

I watched with respect as she sauntered up to Nigel. "Niiiiiiigellll!!!!" she whined. "It's too hot in here! Didn't you get someone to fix the AC?"

The poor man looked about ready to explode. He was relatively new to the business, and we were his first major-scale production. He put his hands on either side of his head as his face turned a disturbing shade of purple, squeezing his eyes shut as he rocked back and forth on his heels, mouth moving quickly with no sound. Tanya winked at me. 'Thank you' I mouthed.

After a few minutes of the startling but not altogether surprising episode, he took a deep breath, dropping his hands and opening his eyes. "Everyone go home," he said. It was like he was trying to be calm, but the words came out a snarl.

_Score_.

I tiptoed back to Glenda to get her to remove my make-up quickly, and then I was off to my apartment at lightning speeds, streaking through the darkness to avoid detection, hood pulled over head.

I was becoming better at avoiding paparazzi. I think it was partially because of Bella - even if I wasn't careful before I was downright cautious now, not wanting to ever bring crazed reporters down to her little book store. While I sprinted home it struck me with a sadness and a slight panic that eventually, she was going to be submitted to paparazzi so long as we were together. I hoped we would be able to get through that. I knew she didn't know what lime-light was.

Shoving the disheartening thoughts away for now, I slowed to a halt as I reached my building, going through the tinted glass doors and over to the elevators. I nodded slightly to the receptionist, Tyler. He was a professional man and helped keep reporters and stalkers away from the celebrities that mostly resided here. I owed him many times over.

I was giddy as I slid my card through the automated lock, anticipating the thought of returning to my Bella. I wondered in what room she'd be in…

I stepped inside and shut the door, looking around. Well, not the living room it seemed. Should I surprise her, or warn her I was home? Who knew what she was doing. I decided to go with the latter out of courtesy.

"Bella!" I called. My voice rang out. I realized what a large, empty space I lived in. I hadn't really thought about it before, but it was like I was seeing everything anew - seeing it the way Bella might have. And I was embarrassed. And ashamed as well.

There was no answer. Frowning, I walked further in, to the dining room, to the kitchen, to the hallways beyond.

"Bella?" I called again, more hesitantly this time. Realization was dawning on me.

We had never actually came up with any plan of action. I had just left. I hadn't told her to stay, or to come back if she left - I'd just assumed she would have.

I leaned against a wall and sighed, letting my head fall back. I am a dumbass.

It was after eight. And there was one place that I was hoping she'd be at.

* * *

**This was going to include them meeting up, but then it got too long. And that'll give me a place to start for next time.**

**My spell check tried to tell me that the word "Voldemort" isn't real. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN VOLDEMORT ISN'T REAL???**

**Your very tired writer who would love reviews to wake up to.**

**- The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	6. Word Vomit and Sanity Inquisitions

"_We covered 'Hey Jude.' My father panicked, misunderstanding the lyrics and thinking our lead singer was belting out 'Hey, Jew' to a roomful of Holocaust survivors."_

**Ben Stiller**

I listened to the distant sound of cars driving in the distance, of loud music pouring from various places - including said cars and nearby buildings - and, of course, the sound of my own ragged breathing as I panted against the wall of the black alley, keeping my back pressed against it.

That was a close one.

On my way to the bookstore, where I was hoping to find Bella, I'd almost been recognized by some random woman. She never actually figured out if it was me or not because I finally gave her the slip, but she was suspicious enough to tail me for a few blocks.

Craziness.

After composing myself for a few minutes - and making sure I still wasn't being followed (ladies like that one are usually deceptively sneaky) - I made my way to the opposite end of the alley, peering out. On the other side of the street, on almost the complete opposite end as me, was the bookstore. _Her _bookstore. And my gifted sanctuary as a result, since it had led me to her. Bella.

_My girl._

No, that wasn't quite right.

My _woman._

I smiled to myself. Much better.

Glancing around uneasily, I slipped out of the alleyway and onto the sidewalk, keeping my hood pulled up and my head down. I walked a swift pace, but not so fast as to draw suspicion from anyone who may be around, even if I couldn't see them.

It was with a feeling of great relief that I finally made it to the glass pull-open door of the bookstore, warm, inviting light spilling from it. I grabbed the handle and walked through.

Anne was behind the counter, reclining in a chair and reading a plain black book with no visible title. She glanced up as the tinkling bell over the door was disturbed, alerting her to my presence. She smiled slyly, a smile that looked oddly out of place on her naturally sweet face. She jerked her head in the direction of the staircase. "She's upstairs," she told me, raising an eyebrow slightly. I internally winced. I wondered what Bella must've looked like when she came here to have so obviously alerted Anne to something amiss.

"Thanks," I mumbled, and darted through the shelves of books until I got to the staircase near the back of the store. I took deep breaths as I ascended the stairs, unsure of what was going to happen now. Would Bella be mad that I hadn't thought anything through? Did she just not want to come back in the first place? Was I expecting too much, too soon? I had no experience with serious relationships. I was clueless as to how this worked.

Well, we'd work it out together somehow.

I cleared the last of the steps and stood on the even floor, my head automatically turning to the left to see if she was at "our" table. At least, that's what I called it because it's the table we always sit at.

Bingo. There was she was, fiddling with her hands and biting her lip - classic "nervous Bella" signs. I'd seen those before when she was thinking about her mother, or worrying over the deadline for her potential photo job. She told me she'd finally taken the perfect picture, though she hadn't shown it to me yet. I'd have to talk to her about that.

I started to approach and her eyes flickered over to the opening of the staircase, making her eyes land on me; finally. Her eyes widened in surprise and something else, and I couldn't help but to smile a little, feeling a tug on my heart, pulling me over to her. I was glad I was with her again.

She didn't say anything as I pulled out the chair across from her, but as soon as I scooted in her words spilled out in a rush.

"Okay," she said hurriedly, eyes darting around. "I'm sorry I didn't stay, but I didn't know what to do! I mean, I wandered around your place for a little while, but I wasn't sure if I should stay, and then I remembered that…okay, well we didn't use protection but it's fine! No worries! I went to a pharmacy and…well it's all cool, but then I didn't know if I should come back and…oh, your sheets are in the dryer, I thought I should do that…and, well, I, and…" She took a deep breath and when she fixed me with her stare again, her eyes didn't waver and there was defiance blazing in them. "Okay, well I couldn't have come back anyway! I mean, it's not like I had a key…I mean a card. And I doubt the people would've let me in just because I was there before, they wouldn't remember me, I'd just be some weird stalker trying to break into your place, so…I came here because…you're here too so I'm glad you figured it out. I mean, c'mon! I don't even have your cell phone number! I've never done this, I didn't know what to do, so, so, so you can be mad or whatever but…yeah. There!"

She breathed in deeply - and shakily - and settled back into her chair, crossing her arms weakly.

Maybe I'm an ass, and from the look she gave me afterwards I _knew _that I was, but she was just so damn adorable…

I burst out laughing, unable to help myself, and I couldn't stop for such a long time that there were tears in my eyes by the time I was finished.

"Oh Bella," I sighed happily, and let a couple more chuckles escape before I leaned back and opened an arm, gesturing for her to come sit in my lap. Uncertainly, she raised herself up and crossed around the table before settling into me. My arms wrapped around her tightly as I buried my face in her hair, still laughing slightly as I breathed in her intoxicating scent. I'd missed it, too.

"I have to say, you should word vomit some more," I grinned against her head. "I haven't laughed so hard in…ever."

She smacked my shoulder weakly and I held her hand, tangling my fingers into hers.

I leaned back so I could look at her, still smiling. "I'm not mad Bella," I told her. "How could I be? It was my fault. I just…left. I don't know what I was thinking." I grinned. "Consider it a compliment. You completely blew my mind."

She finally let out a laugh too, and shook out her hair slightly. "I'll have to remember not to do that next time," she teased.

"Oh you better not," I warned, tightening my grip on her. Something else she said finally seemed to register in my mind; I felt my heart sink when it did.

I ran one of my hands down my face and sighed, wearily this time. Damn, I really _was _an ass. I couldn't believe I'd been so irresponsible.

Bella looked worried at my change in attitude, and I felt my mouth twist as I explained. "I really am sorry. For leaving, firstly, without really talking with you about anything, and also for…being careless last night. I didn't even think about protection. I could say I was just caught up in the moment, but there's no real excuse for what I did."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh be a martyr why don't you," she said grumpily, flinging an arm around my neck. "You weren't the only one who was careless. I mean, it really effects _me_, and _I _didn't think about it at all."

I frowned at that. "It doesn't just effect you Bella," I said seriously. "Not anymore. I'm around for as long as you want. No matter what."

She smiled shyly, her beautiful blush filling her cheeks as she became fascinated with the collar of my shirt. "Thanks," she mumbled.

"I think 'I love you' is the more appropriate response."

"That too." I rolled my eyes while she grinned. "Anyway, like I said, I took care of it and I also picked up some, erm…" She began to mumble. "…birth…control…so…we don't have to worry about it again when we..." She cleared her throat and didn't start speaking again. Her eyes were intent upon my collar still, and she lifted a finger to trace the ridges, doing her best not to look at me. Her cheeks were beginning to flame.

I laughed out loud in surprise. "Are you actually embarrassed to talk about it?" I asked in disbelief.

She shrugged and bit her lip. "I'm still getting used to it," she whispered. "I've only ever talked to my mom about…sex…so certainly not guys."

"You don't have to worry about it with me," I rushed to reassure her. "I don't ever want you to feel uncomfortable with me."

She breathed out exasperatedly, blowing a strand of hair away from her face. "It's not you," she said, frustrated. "You're probably the only one I could ever _be _comfortable with. It's just the whole thing in general."

She leaned her forehead against my collar bone and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I actually think I feel more comfortable talking about…sex stuff _in _bed," she mumbled. "It feels more natural there."

"We should relocate then," I murmured, and was surprised to hear my voice drop a few octaves. Wait, no, dammit! I wasn't supposed to make love to her again until _tomorrow_, when she'd had plenty of time to recover. What was I thinking? Hell, what was I _saying_?

"Mmm," she hummed, smiling as she raised her lips to mine. "Sounds like a good idea to me," she murmured against them before she pressed forward gently.

I sighed in relief as I finally kissed her. It felt like eons ago that I had last done it. Her lips were soft and pliable, responding to me instinctively and automatically. I opened her lips with my own and slipped my tongue in her mouth, winding a hand into the hair at the nape of the neck, pushing her closer to me. Her arms tightened around my neck as our tongues wrestled, and my hands started to wander, traveling up and down her sides reverently. My hands slid to her hips and I held on tightly, eliciting a small moan from her. God…I could feel myself wanting her more and more the longer we did this.

When she needed to breathe again she pulled back, gasping. I wasn't done quite yet though. My lips trailed down her smooth jaw to the silky skin of her graceful, elegant neck, sucking and kissing gently. She tasted so good.

"What were you…saying about relocating?" she gasped, her breathing ragged against my hair as her hands moved to tangle themselves in it.

I hesitated, pulling back. "Maybe that's not the best idea," I admitted. "I probably won't be able to control myself around you, alone."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's kind of the point Edward."

"Bella you're still - "

"Don't tell me what I am and am not Edward! Are you me? Are _you_ me? No, you're not. And I've been stressing out over you all day Masen. You owe me."

I'm sure my face registered my shock at her angry little outburst, but at the same time it kind of…excited me. She was so adorable in her "rage." If one could even call it that.

My eyes flickered to the floor and I saw a bag that must be hers. I stood up abruptly, setting Bella down and grabbing the bag before I grabbed her hand. "Let's go," I said shortly, and began pulling her along behind me.

She seemed surprised at first and I couldn't understand why. She honestly thought she could talk to me like that and _not _have me wanting to jump her bones as soon as possible? I mean, she asked for it after all.

"We're really going back to your place?" she asked, sounding excited and eager at the same time. I let a smile curve up my lips. Good.

"Yes." I wrapped an arm around her waist as the bottom of the staircase. "You make a strong… and sexy case Miss Swan."

She blushed and I wanted to laugh at how quickly she could go from flaming tiger seductress to my normal shy, kitten Bella.

We waved at Anne as we left. I was going to have to start buying books for Bella here. I always felt bad about coming to this place and never buying anything.

**

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**

BPOV

_I wanna sex you up._

**I Wanna Sex You Up **by Color Me Badd

The minute Edward shut his penthouse door behind us my overnight bag was dropped and I was pressed up against the door, my hands being pinned above my head as his lips furiously latched onto mine and kissed me like there was no tomorrow.

That worked for me.

Groaning, I used the leverage of his firm body pressed against mine to throw one leg up over his hip, grinding against him to let him know I needed him to give me a leg up. Which he gladly did. I say gladly because he must be enjoying it - he never let go of my thigh after he helped me wrap it around his torso.

His teeth and lips were doing devilish things to my mouth and jaw as he worked his magic on me. He may have been a virgin before but his kissing skills were superb.

My hands gripped his strong shoulders as his lips started to trail down to the collar of my shirt, tugging it down so his mouth could reach further places. "Edward," I sighed breathily, digging my nails into his skin through his t-shirt.

Which, now that I thought about it, was definitely going to have to go.

He exhaled against my chest, slumping his face into it. "You know every time you say my name like that I lose my mind, right?" he asked, his voice muffled by my shirt.

I giggled. "A girl can dream," I said happily. I tugged on his hair and let my legs slowly drop to the ground. "Your sheets are in the dryer," I informed him again. "Go make your bed."

He raised his head to stare at me incredulously. "Please don't start sounding like my mother," he groaned, wincing at the same time.

A guilty twinge stung my heart and I grimaced. "I didn't mean it like that," I mumbled. "It's just that your mattress is kind of rough on its own, without sheets…"

"I get it," he said softly, and sent me his award-winning grin, letting me know I was forgiven. He began to pull me along with him, but I resisted, much to his surprise.

"No," I insisted. "When you're done come meet me in the kitchen. I have to talk to you about something."

Actor he may be, but he wasn't bothering to cover up the fear and unease on his face now. I went over my last sentence in my head and nearly winced when I realized what he must've heard in it. "No, nothing bad!" I assured. "Well, it's kind of bad. To me. But really it's no big deal."

"Because that all makes sense."

"It does to me. Now get going!"

"For a supposedly 'shy' girl you've certainly grown a backbone in the past 48 hours," he grumbled. "I think you've been lying to me this whole time." He loped gracefully away even though he was dragging his feet simultaneously. Damn him. How was he so _perfect_?

I meandered along into the kitchen and sat down on one of the bar stools to wait.

It didn't take long. He was either very efficient or very eager. Either one was fine.

"Okay. What is this about?" His eyes looked weary.

I glared and walked over to the fridge, leaning on it with my forearm. "Your fridge was talking to me earlier," I began, but he cut me off.

"What?"

"Your fridge was talking to me earlier," I told him like it was the most obvious thing ever and he was just being daft. "And guess what it showed me?"

"...You were talking to my fridge."

"No, your fridge was talking to me. Anyway, so guess what I found, huh?" I yanked open the huge fridge door and gestured angrily at the contents - or lack thereof. "What the hell is _this _Edward?"

He was staring at me though, still. "Let me get this straight. My fridge…was _talking _to you?"

I blew a strand of hair away from my face exasperatedly. "Edward, I think you're completely missing the point," I told him, annoyed. "Look at all this _space!_ And you're just _wasting _it! Do you know how much I would kill for a fridge like this?"

He opened his mouth automatically, starting to speak but stopping immediately. He shook his head and said something that I knew wasn't what he was going to say originally. "Okay, but you still think my fridge was _talking _to you. I think that's what we should focus on."

"First off, there's no thinking involved. It really did happen. And second, what were you really going to say?"

"Nothing," he said quickly, his eyes widening innocently. A little too quick. A little too innocent.

"Liar," I mumbled. I shut the door with a little more force than necessary, even though that really wasn't fair to his fridge. I refrained from the urge to rub my hand comfortingly up and down the metal door.

Edward crossed the room in a couple strides and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. "Don't be mad," he pleaded in my ear. Damn him. I was giving in. His breath floating around the rim of my ear was too much sensory overload for me. "I promise I'll tell you…one day. Maybe one day soon."

"Oh, that's not cryptic at all," I grumbled, but my hands were raising to grip his t-shirt, snuggling myself in closer.

He nuzzled his nose against my cheek. "Remember, I'm new at this whole thing too," he whispered. "I don't know how to proceed half the time. What I should and shouldn't say. What's too much, what's too soon. I don't ever want to pressure or push or rush you into anything."

"Edward," I sighed against the side of his face too. "Don't worry about that. The same way you don't want me to be uncomfortable, I don't want you to hold back. I want you. All of you." I pulled him a little closer.

He whispered my name slowly, and began to turn his head, his cheek brushing my mine. But before our lips brushed he asked quietly, "You don't ever think we're moving too fast?"

I laughed out loud. "No way. After how long I waited for you? No such thing as too fast. Besides, it's not like we're moving in together or anything. I think we're doing just right."

He sighed before he turned his head all the way to press his lips against mine fully. I wanted to think about that some more, but I promptly forgot it the longer he kissed me. His hands moved down to my ass and lifted me up, carrying me from the kitchen, his hand turning the light off on his way. I smiled against his lips. _Good boy. Save the environment._

--

Hours later and I was still breathing heavily as I lay curled up against Edward, covered in sweat. He was panting too, eyes open as he stared into mine, brushing his hand through my hair repeatedly.

"Bleh, don't touch my hair," I whispered. "My head's all sweaty."

"Maybe I like your sweaty head," he countered, leaning forward those few inches to kiss my forehead, and leave a long lick against the side of my cheek.

With that one gesture I was shuddering with want and need again.

"Edward," I moaned, pushing him onto his back as I clambered onto him with absolutely no grace to straddle his hips.

I took him in my hands and began to stroke him, something I'd learned how to do effectively in the last couple of hours. I needed him hard and revived again.

He groaned loudly, and bucked up into my hand. "Bella," he gasped. Yup. There he was. Standing up proud again.

I was still curious about this whole thing. "So, does it feel better when I do this - " I dragged my hand up and down his cock a few times quickly, stroking him like I'd learned he liked. He threw his head back, grabbing onto my hips hard. "Or…_this_." I slid my hands down to fondle his base and everything around it. His fingers dug into my hips as cords stood out his strained neck, wild gasps and moans escaping him. I smiled, proud, happy, content, and oddly innocent. It felt right to be with him like this.

"Both," he gasped. "Both, just…god Bella, I want to be inside you."

I hummed with pleasure as I closed my eyes in assent, getting on my knees and positioning myself over him before settling down, my nails digging into his stomach as he filled me up. Earlier, when he'd entered me again for the first time today, it had felt…weird. Not painful, but just weird as I was stretched when - admittedly - I was still a tad bit sore. Now, I felt nothing but pleasure as we'd made love again and again. Our stamina lasting longer now that we knew what to expect.

"Edward," I whispered reverently, leaning forward to rest my head against his chest as I began swiveling my hips around, grinding down onto his solid length, feeling him rubbing against my inner walls in all the perfect places.

"Bella," he murmured back, with just as much devotion in his voice. He started to jerk his hips upward, holding onto my hips to lift me up and push me back down, getting harder and harder each time. I gasped, watching his glistening biceps flex and stretch. Hot damn, he was gorgeous.

I started helping him, raising myself up and slamming back down, doing a circular motion when I landed, rubbing his base. He grunted, and released the hold on one of my hips to bring his hand to my clit, pressing firmly and massaging it.

I cried out his name, unable to help myself. A pressure was building up high in my thighs and low in my abdomen. It was in the curl of my toes, the ache in my abused nipples, the pulsing of my bruised lips, and the heat spreading through me at the way Edward's darkened eyes watched my every movement as if I was beautiful and desirable.

Growling at my scream, he wrapped his arms around my waist and flipped us over, slipping out of my briefly, making me cry out again in loss. He was back between my spread out legs a second later, entering me and picking up a new but still familiar rhythm.

_In. Out. Retreat slowly. Slam back inside. Slap skin together. Breathe in my ear. Rub me down over and over again._

"Edward," I breathed out, my body beginning to convulse around him as my release neared. He twitched inside of me, his pants, my groans, his growls, my moans filling the room and the space we resided inside of. "Ung…faster…"

"Anything," he whispered, kissing my lips hard as he increased his pace, rocking our entire bodies back and forth. I mewled out, my feet digging into the bed, trying to keep myself grounded as he pounded into me at the exact right spot and I was floating away, safe in his arms.

He thrusted a few more times before his release came, and he froze, body shaking as he came. He buried his head in my neck and we laid there together for a long time. I was going to make him let us go to sleep like this, with him resting on top of me, head nestled in my breasts. Yesterday, he'd thought he was too heavy. I thought he was deliciously solid. He was staying like this.

"Guess what?" he breathed against my damp skin. I could feel a smile on his lips.

"What?" I asked.

"I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered, biting my lip.

"Guess what else?"

"What?" I asked again, giggling this time. He raised his head to grin at me.

"No work tomorrow." His smile was cheeky. "And I think I definitely need to take you out on a _real _date. We've done things a bit oddly."

I rolled my eyes. "Conventional is so boring though," I teased.

"Agreed. Still. We've already defeated convention so following it now will still be unconventional, so we win no matter what."

"Whatever you say."

"Is that a yes?" he asked hopefully.

"Where would we go?"

"Uh-uh. No qualifiers. Yes or no?"

I sighed. As if he didn't already know the answer. "Yes Edward. I'll go on date with you."

I threw an arm over my eyes. "It'd be a bit weird if I said no at this point anyway," I mumbled.

He let out a soft laugh of victory and kissed me softly. "And don't worry. I'm going to get you my room card tomorrow so you can get in here whenever you want."

I laughed. "Wow, you must really trust me. Because what if I totally abused it? Like, I was here _every single day_ when you got home? You wouldn't think that was weird - or stalkerish?"

He smiled at me. "No. I'd think of that more as a dream come true."

**

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**

Sorry this took so long. Some things have come up in my life recently that have put me in the complete opposite mood of writing anything happy. But I've decided to take an alternate perspective to it - use the happiness in this world to make myself feel happy for a while. While I can. Because this story will not always be happy. But a good majority of the time it will be loving and E/B-ness, don't worry. Drama-filled at times, but overall hopeful.

**Ugh, sorry, no dedication this time because I didn't have time to go through them and pick someone. It's NOT because your guy's reviews are anything less than awesome, amazing, stupendous, spectacular, make-me-smile-because-they-rock-my-socks….you get the point.**

**Hope you guys participated in 'the world turns off its lights for an hour' today! :D It was from between the hours of 8:30 and 9:30.**

**Thanks! Review please!**

**- The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	7. Date Night

**Previously:**

I sighed. As if he didn't already know the answer. "Yes Edward. I'll go on date with you."

**

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**

**BPOV**

_I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want - an adorable pancreas?_

**Jean Kerr, **_**The Snake Has All the Lines**_

* * *

I sighed, sitting on a chair in my own kitchen - for once. I let my head fall back in exasperation, wishing I had the pleasure of being able to fidget with a phone cord, twirling it around my finger. Instead, I had a handheld and was only able to tap impatiently on the counter top.

"C'mon Edward!" I said irritably. I knew I was being whiny and I didn't care. "You have to at least give me a _hint _of where we're going so I know how to dress!"

"Nope," he said, and I could practically hear the smug grin in his voice.

"Edward."

"Bella?"

"Edward," I suddenly whispered, hoping to use my feminine vulnerability to extract an answer. "Please?"

He sighed, relenting. "I honestly can't tell you Bella," he admitted. "All I have so far is dinner, but I'm having a hard time trying to find anything in this damn city that doesn't have to do with movies or dancing, since _I _need a break from the former and I know you don't like the latter…though we'll get to that eventually."

"What?" I exclaimed.

He ignored me and continued. "So unless you're willing to take a two or three hour drive to some other city, I'm stuck for now. I mean, we _could _go to Universal Studios…"

"For a first date?" I giggled. "That seems like something to do later."

"Hm…"

"You'll figure it out," I told him assuredly. "I honestly don't care what we do. I'm fine with a night in."

"No!" he said in frustration. "I'm taking you on a real date."

"Well good luck with that. Call me when you have it figured out."

"I will. I love you."

"Love you too."

"Until later."

"Bye."

I was about to hang up when I heard him shouting, "Wait wait!"

Curious, I put the phone back to my ear. "Yes?"

"Nevermind, I figured it out! Stress of the moment equaling brilliance and all that. I can't believe I didn't think of it before…I just don't get out much. But it's perfect. Be ready at about 5:45, because I'm taking you out to dinner first."

"And again I ask…how should I dress?"

"However you want."

"Will pajamas work?"

He chuckled. "Well, I suppose that's your prerogative, but you'll be quite embarrassed I believe."

I hummed in agreement before I actually took Edward's personality into account of what he would wear on a date. I sighed. "Are you going to wear a suit?"

A pause, and I knew I'd been right. I brought my elbow back in a silent show of victory even as my mind groaned. "Well, I'd been planning on it. I don't have to if you don't want me to though."

"No it's fine," I sighed. "That just means I'll have to wear a dress…and maybe even heels. Small ones. But heels."

"And why is you wearing a dress a bad thing?" he asked excitedly. I could practically see him bouncing up and down, and I rolled my eyes at how easily men were pleased.

"Oh, other than the fact that I'm prone to tripping and giving the world a peep show?" I asked sarcastically.

"I won't let that happen," he said confidently. "The only one who will be doing any peeping is me."

I feigned offense. "_Excuse me_ Edward Masen? Do I seem like the type of girl to put out on the first date?"

"Um…of course not sweetheart. Silly me."

"Damn straight," I muttered. "You're _so _lucky you answered that right instead of making some crack on how we'd already done it."

"I have been known to have some moments of brilliance." He laughed a moment before I heard him sigh and take in a deep breath. I felt the mood shift from playful to serious.

"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned. I felt my brow furrow, and my fingers drifted up absent-mindedly to inspect the crease.

"Bella," he started quietly. "I really hate that I have to say this. You have no idea how much. But I feel that it wouldn't be fair towards you if I didn't warn you, at the very least. Now, I'm not saying this is sure to happen," he added hastily, "Or that I'm even looking for it to happen or whatever, but I'm just saying that we _could _be interrupted at some point by some…unwelcome guests. I don't expect it to happen at the c- where we're going, but the probability is slightly higher at dinner. So if it happens, I just want you to be prepared…you know, to either deal with it, or maybe even run with me if the opportunity presents itself?"

"I'm definitely wearing flats then," I muttered. I had completely overlooked this aspect when I was thinking about our date, which was quite foolish of me. But now that he brought it up, it seemed overbearingly logical to be prepared for that.

"I really am sorry," he said unhappily, sounding ashamed.

"It's fine Edward!" I assured. "I knew this going in. Besides, it might be fun to be chased for once…you know, even if nobody is chasing _me _specifically. Except maybe to kill me."

"I don't think it's going to be all that you're cracking it up to be," he informed me grimly, but I could tell that he felt better about it. "And I do appreciate your lightheartedness about it more than you can know, but try to take it a little seriously. I don't want you to be caught off guard."

I nodded gravely though he couldn't see me. "I'll be on red alert, I promise." He sighed and I gently amended, "I'm prepared to be with you Edward. No matter what it entails. I won't panic. You forewarned me. And that really helped. It'll be fine; I'm not going to run out on you."

"I'm not worried about _me_," I heard him mutter, but I wish I could've seen his beautiful green eyes, no doubt Bella-melt-worthy, when he whispered, "Thank you."

"So I'll pick you up at 5:45," he reminded me, resuming normal conversation volume. "It's about time I drove my car. I've been neglecting it."

"Like your fridge?" I ribbed, and he hung up on me without saying good-bye. I giggled, and pressed 'end.' I sat in contentment for a moment before I went to put the phone on its charger. Then I turned toward the over-whelming, daunting task of finding something to wear. I groaned.

It was an hour later and I was standing in front of my dresser with every article of clothing that I owned strewn on the floor and my bed, completely stressed out as I had been able to come up with _nothing_.

I knew what this meant. I was going to have to get really creative and go through my stuff again, or I was going to have to go shopping and hope that I found something in four hours. I snorted. Yeah right. I wasn't that lucky.

I only had one other option open to me.

I sighed as I dialed up my mom. She answered after a couple rings. "Bella!"" she said excitedly. "How are you today?" There was an undertone of suggestiveness in her voice that lended to me the topic I knew she wanted to discuss.

"I'm doing fine Mom," I told her, and decided to cut to the chase. "Except I have this date with Edward tonight and I don't know what to wear."

She started giggling and I grew annoyed. "What?"

"Oh a couple things. First off, his name is _Edward_? You never told me. I'm partly giggling because whenever I hear the name Edward I automatically think of Edward Masen. I'm sorry, I'm such a girl." My stomach lurched uncomfortably when she said his full name. "Also, I just think this is just pay back for all the times you've sighed and gotten exasperated with _me _when I'm taking forever to get ready for a date. How long have you been at this Bella?" she asked smugly.

"An hour," I admitted grudgingly.

"Uh-huh. And you haven't gotten anywhere, I assume?"

"…Yes."

"Payback is a funny thing!" she sang. "But anyway, let's get to work. How are you supposed to dress?"

"Well, it's casual I think, but I was still going to wear a dress. Nothing fancy though."

"A dress?" she asked, confused. "That's it? What about that white French Connection dress I bought you last Christmas? I'm sure it still fits."

I stifled a groan. It did. I had seen it in my drawers and promptly thrown it aside. "But Mom, that dress is so_ short_."

"So?" she asked affronted. "It's supposed to be, and you have great legs Bella. It's not going to fly up, I promise the material is solid. And you really need to let go a bit you know. You're a grown woman; embrace your sexuality a little. I'm not telling you to be a hoochie mama now! But let go a little honey. That dress was damn expensive too," she added sternly. "I _expect _you to wear it."

I sighed like a little kid made to do chores. "Fine," I grumbled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she said sweetly. "And if you have a brown decorative belt or any brown accessories, I would encourage wearing them with that dress. Have a good time tonight. I'm really happy for you." She got a little uncharacteristically serious at the end and I tried to ignore the implications behind it.

"Thanks Mom. Talk to you later."

"Talk to you later too. Love you sweetie. Bye."

"Take care."

I hung up and dug through my piles of clothes before finding the white dress that stopped _above _mid-thigh. I frowned while looking at it. I didn't care what my mom said. I didn't think my legs looked so great. But the dress was pretty. It was white, short-sleeved, crocheted. I had nothing else anyway, so I found some clean white underwear and quickly stripped, before going to take a very _thorough_ shower. I scrubbed, shaved _everywhere_, cleaning up home base a bit, and washed myself down with some special occasion body wash that was sweet-scented and made my skin softer. I'd always made fun of girls for putting so much effort into getting ready for dates, but now I understood. I banged my head against the tiles in my shower. I was such a shut-in dweeb.

I got out and quickly wiped down the mirror so it would defog quicker. I knew I'd be needing its use before long. I went back to my room to put my underwear on and tug on the dress. I looked down at myself, but it wasn't a good enough view. Trudging apprehensively back into my bathroom, I looked in the mirror and tried to objectively appraise the dress. I still wrinkled my nose at my reflection, but it wasn't _so_ bad as I had thought, the dress not quite as dreadfully short as my memory remembered. I mean, it _was_ short. But the dress still looked classy like that. I just hoped the dress wouldn't ride up or anything.

Thankfully, I did discover I had some brown flats and, digging through a shoebox that held all the jewelry I owned, I found a brown bangle. I put it on triumphantly and stood back up, my legs spreading and the dress riding up to my hips. Hm. Apparently I was going to have to stand a little bit more lady-like. Sigh.

I went back to the bathroom and scrutinized my face. It wasn't so terrible but it could definitely use some help. Unfortunately, the only make-up I owned was powder, mascara, and maybe some lip-gloss…I dug around my cabinets and finally found a pink tube of it in the back corner under my box of tampons. Lovely. Oh well, what can you do?

I applied it all and looked at my reflection again. Better. The hair situation though…was tricky. I had no idea what to do. I crossed my arms and nervously tapped my teeth with my fingernail, trying to think of something. I tried to use my artistic vision to mentally apply styles to my hair, but they either didn't seem to fit or I would have no idea how to do them.

I frowned at myself. I really was a loser. I needed to start picking up fashion magazines along with _National Geographic. _Maybe then I wouldn't be in this situation.

I sighed, giving up for now. I walked into the kitchen to get a yogurt and looked at the clock. "Holy crow!" I shouted when I saw the time. It was four. I had spent _four _hours getting ready. And I still wasn't done. Sighing, I opened my fridge and pulled out some vanilla yogurt before going to my silverware drawer and pulling it open. I was barely paying attention as I grabbed a spoon but then something else caught my eye. Near the back of the drawer, I had some nice chopsticks that I'd bought to use instead of those cheap ones that come with Asian take-out. What caught my attention was that they were brown.

I pursed my lips, considering. Setting down my yogurt and spoon, I snatched up a pair of the chopsticks and ran to the bathroom to stand in front of the mirror. Watching myself, I carefully pulled my hair up into a bun, before I used one hand to strategically loosen a few strands to frame my face. I thought this was looking good so far. I took one chopstick and stuck it through my bun before taking the other and inserting it on the other side.

Smiling, proud, I dropped my hands.

The chopsticks fell to the floor too, and my hair fell limp, defeated.

My heart sunk, but I decided to try again. I bent over, not caring about the dress riding up right now because I was alone, and repeated the process. I think I knew what was wrong. The chopsticks hadn't been in very tightly before. I had felt that. This time, I jammed them in close to my head. It hurt a little, but there was a satisfying tightness when I was done that told me they wouldn't fall.

I lowered my hands slowly this time, but the bun stayed. I did a little cheer, pleased. I thought it completed the look nicely.

And I was proud of myself. I think this was a milestone for dork girls everywhere. Success!

I didn't look half-bad to be honest.

I skipped back into the kitchen happily to eat my yogurt. As I was sitting down, my phone rang again. Well damn, wasn't my apartment turning into Grand Central Station.

I stalked to the phone and pressed talk. "Hello?" I asked politely. I needed caller ID.

"Erm…hello," I heard Edward say awkwardly, and my heart jumped as the same time that my brain went confused. What was he calling for? We'd be seeing each other soon. "It strikes me that…well, you never actually told me where you live."

I laughed out loud. "We really suck at this don't we?" I smiled. "We don't tell each other anything practical. Ever."

"We'll work on it. Who needs practicality when you have love?"

"Quite the charmer," I grinned, before giving him my address. "Anything else?"

"Didn't mean to _bother _you," he muttered, affronted.

"This whole 'getting presentable' thing is a lot more frustrating and harder than I ever gave it credit for."

"I'm sorry." I practically heard him grin though he clucked his tongue sympathetically. "I am looking forward to it though."

"You better be," I muttered. "I put a lot of effort into this."

"An hour never seemed so long as it does now. Farewell fair maiden."

"Farewell," I mimicked, rolling my eyes. I still couldn't help but to smile. I glanced at the clock. There only was an hour more.

My smile widened. I was excited for this.

**

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EPOV

_"Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date ."_

**Caroline Rhea**

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I nervously straightened my tie as I looked in the mirror. Glancing at my watch, I saw it was twenty-six minutes until I was supposed to pick up Bella. I'm one of those people who are meticulous about time, so I was going to have to leave soon. But currently I was standing frozen in front of my mirror, nervously smoothing my hair and, when that didn't work, picking at it so maybe it would look purposefully messy. Nope. That never worked. It just looked like I rolled out of bed a second ago. I sighed. Beyond annoying.

Bella lived near the outskirts of the city, and the condos and houses and apartments got smaller as I drove. They didn't look too shabby though, at least from the outside.

It was 5:43 when I parked in front of her apartment complex. She lived on the third floor, and I knew I could get there in two minutes. I took the stairs two at a time (thankfully nobody was around so they didn't see the crazy guy jumping around like a frog out of hell) and I found her number. I looked down at my watch and it was 5:44. I stared at it intensely, my hand raised, and when the numbers changed to 5:45 I rapped sharply on her door three times.

I heard her giggling before she even opened the door.

"_Right _at 5:45. Really?" she giggled, as she opened the door.

My mouth dropped.

She wasn't wearing heels but she didn't need to. Her legs looked a thousand miles long in the short dress she was wearing. That was all I could stare at for about a minute. I briefly contemplated just pushing her back in her apartment and staying there instead but decided that since I had already made the plans we might as well go. My eyes continued their journey upward. The dress looked knitted, and there were tiny holes throughout. You couldn't really see anything, but it hinted at it. It wasn't low-cut at the chest either, but that made her breasts look bigger somehow. I _could _tell that she was wearing a white bra. I bit my lip a little as I went upward, settling on her sophisticated chopstick bun and light make-up that enhanced her naturally stunning features. Her cheeks were bright red, but that wasn't make-up.

"You might want to close your mouth before it stays like that," she said shyly.

I quickly closed it, realizing that I was starting to drool as well. Thankfully, she hadn't been able to see that.

"You…look…amazing," I told her, struggling to find the right words. Even those weren't adequate.

She stepped out and closed the door behind her, carrying a small white purse over her shoulder. It dawned on me that she had only opened her door wide enough to let herself out. I hadn't been able to see inside her apartment at all.

"You're not going to invite me in?" I asked, confused.

"Aren't we supposed to be _leaving_?" she responded, looking as confused as me.

I wrinkled my nose and took her soft hand, leading her down the stairs. As she was standing this close to me, I realized how ravishing she smelled, and I subtly leaned closer to smell more.

"Are you _sniffing _me?" she giggled.

"Well you shouldn't smell so good," I muttered, blushing at getting caught. We reached the bottom of the stairs and she stood on her tip-toes to kiss my cheek.

"Thanks," she smiled, her eyes bright and happy. She was radiant. I couldn't help but to lean down and kiss her softly. I realized as I leaned back that I now had lip-gloss on my mouth. I wiped it off with the back of my hand as she laughed. I didn't understand how women wore that stuff; it was a horrible texture.

But damn it made her look good.

"I don't know if that's your color," she grinned at me.

The restaurant we were going to was close to the place we were going after, but not too close. It was a popular summer time event and, especially with its season coming to a close, the traffic near it would be horrible. So we were going to walk there after. Bella's shoes looked comfortable enough, or else I probably would've caved into driving. My eyes, drifting to her shoes as I thought and parked, couldn't help but to get caught in the trap of admiring her legs again. In a sitting position, her dress only came down to a little below the top of her thighs, revealing miles of the smooth, pale, luminous skin. I shifted a little, getting uncomfortable below. Obviously, I would need to be keeping my eyes _above _leg level if I was going to retain any sense of gentlemanly decorum.

As if that would help.

"What kind of restaurant is this?" she asked me curiously as we walked down the street towards it. Thankfully, nobody seemed to be appearing to pay attention to us, and I had my decorative sunglasses on. I was also hoping that maybe, since people and the press were so used to seeing me alone, that the mere fact that I was holding hands with and clearly enjoying the company of a woman would stop anybody from taking a second look. But I could hardly process the people around me when Bella's skin was practically glowing in the afternoon sun. On its own and with darker colors, Bella's skin was like a snowy and creamy white. With her _wearing_ white, it had suddenly become peaches and cream. I desperately wanted to taste her.

I realized she was waiting for an answer. "Look for yourself," I smiled, pointing at the restaurant title. We were close enough to see it now. "Italian."

It was a charming place that I'd been to before, with a rustic stone outside, and the feel of an Italian wine venue on the inside. The lighting was warm and romantic, and the food was authentic and phenomenal.

Bella wrapped her hands around my arm and looked around in awe as we entered the foyer area, and I took my sunglasses off to tuck in my jacket pocket. "Do you like it?" I murmured to her.

"Duh," she said, like I was slow.

I laughed as we approached the young lady at the waiting booth. "We have reservations," I told her. "For six o' clock, under 'Anthony.'"

"Of course, right this way sir," she smiled at me, grabbing two menus. I looked down at Bella as we followed the waitress to meet her questioning gaze. "I usually use my middle names for these type of things," I told her. "It's something my agent told me to do a long time ago and I'm just in the habit of it. I suppose it does make things easier sometimes."

"How liberating," she teased. "I should start doing that. Make myself feel like I'm living on the edge."

I laughed and then sighed.

"Here you are sir," the waitress said, smiling at me. We'd reached a table for two in the less crowded section, thankfully. I didn't normally like eating in crowds, and not for the fan-factor. I just enjoyed privacy greatly, especially while eating. "If there's anything else you need, don't hesitate to ask. I'll be back in a bit to start you off with an appetizer and a drink."

"Thank you," I said amiably, holding out Bella's chair for her and pushing her in when she sat. I took my seat across from her as the waitress walked away.

I was surprised to see Bella scowling. "What?" I asked, concerned.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, nothing I shouldn't have been expecting."

"What do you mean?" I asked, truly worried now.

"Other than the over-the-top flirting that chick was pulling just now? Oh, nothing at all."

"When was she flirting?" I said, confused. "I didn't notice anything."

"That's a relief I suppose," she said, relaxing a bit though the scowl was still on her face.

I took her hand across the table. "You're quite adorable when you're jealous you know," I told her casually, grinning.

"I'm not _jealous_," she said indignantly. "Just annoyed."

The waitress returned with a plate of freshly baked bread, and two small plates of olive oil with pepper mixed in. "Here you go," she said, setting my plate down first. I also noticed, now that it was pointed out to me, that she was ignoring Bella completely. "What can I get you to start off with to drink?"

"What would you like Bella?" I asked pointedly, squeezing her hand. The waitress turned towards her.

Bella's expression was vaguely smug. "Um…I'll just take a Coke for now please."

"Same," I said, rubbing a small circle on the top of Bella's hand with my finger. That seemed to calm her down nicely.

The waitress walked away again and under the table, Bella hooked her ankle around mine. "Okay…_maybe _a little jealous. _Maybe_."

I brought her knuckles to my lips, barely suppressing a smirk.

When we finally got our drinks and were alone again, perusing our menus, Bella suddenly asked. "Why do you always do that? What you did before?"

"What?" I was very confused.

"Well, whenever you talk about your life and how fame affects it, and I make some joke about it or whatever, you laugh at first but then you sigh or get real serious. Why is that?"

"I don't know," I said automatically, before amending my knee-jerk response. "Well, actually I do. I guess…I'm scared that eventually it's going to become too much for you. Especially when you start to actually experience it. And you will eventually Bella," I warned. "It's been good and lucky so far, but the press is always around, and they're always pouncing. The peace is short-lived, I assure you. And when it ends, when it becomes too over-whelming…It can get vicious, it really can. It's not easy, even for me now, and I'm well-used to it and I chose it."

She placed her chin in her hand contemplatively as she looked down at her menu. "I chose it too," she said quietly. "And to be honest, I'll take what happens. I've lived my life too secluded, too back-washed for too long anyway. It's about time something changed. And I know," she continued quickly as I opened my mouth to interrupt, "That that sounds like a short-term mind-set, and it probably is. But I'll learn to deal with it, embrace it even because honestly, you're well worth it." My heart skipped a beat and I swallowed heavily. "I _have _thought about this you know," she said. "I'm not so delicate as you want to make me out to be. And yeah, it'll take some getting used to. But everything does."

I sat in stunned silence, mulling that over.

The waitress came back to ask of our order. "Yes, I'll take the mushroom ravioli," Bella said brightly, much more brightly than before as she took charge.

They both turned to me. "Um…" I said, blushing slightly. I hadn't actually been looking. "Erm, I'll get the bruschetta chicken," saying the first menu item with words I recognized. Most of the dishes names were in Italian. Their actual ingredients were in English below the name, but I didn't have time for that.

"Excellent choice," the waitress said brightly, and Bella did a mocking slow clap behind her back. I bit my lip to stop from laughing. "Your meals should be ready shortly."

Bella wrinkled her nose when she left. "Anywho," she smiled, leaning forward towards me. Her lips wrapped around the rim of her glass as she took a sip and my eyes followed. "I don't know if you want to talk about it, but I am actually curious about acting. We've only seemed to talk about the bad parts, like the crazy stalkers and paparazzi, but what about the parts that make it worth it?"

I smiled at that question. "It's true. I actually love acting or else I wouldn't put up with the other crap. It started just as a way to make money, and it was a better job than any other I'd had, but I fell in love with it after a while."

"Why?" she asked, curious, leaning towards me. I found myself leaning closer too. We were like magnets.

"Well…" I pursed my lips as I thought how to best explain. "I think a large part of it was that I was beginning to feel guilty about my mother, and the choices that I had made. But whenever I had a role, for however long it went on I was able to really immerse myself in it, become a completely different person. I wasn't me anymore; I no longer had my life, my worries, my troubles. I was just somebody else. And it was refreshing and rewarding. I hated the times when I didn't have a job because to be honest, I was becoming to hate _me _and I didn't like staying in my skin for so long. It was a wonderful escape. I've only recently stopped looking at it as that though, and more as a journey." I grinned at her, partly because she was starting to look sad at what I was saying before, and partly to show her that she was the reason for the change. "I'm glad to see I still like it. I always half-thought I wouldn't."

"I'm glad too," she said, looking relieved. "I'd hate to be the reason for the end of your career." I smirked. Yes, that'd cause headlines. "That is something that's been making me curious though. I always thought that actors had to be really confident, which stems from…well, liking yourself. I mean, every thespian I've ever met has been, if not cocky, at least very out-going."

I had to smirk again because she'd stumbled on the most convoluted aspect of the job, in terms of me personally. "Oh, I am confident. Always was," I assured her.

"While hating yourself?" she asked in disbelief, raising an eyebrow.

I traced my mouth with my finger as I thought how to explain. "My confidence is, was, quite a strange thing. In truth, it was remarkably shallow. When I stopped to examine it, myself, I found I wasn't very confident at all. So I just didn't stop to examine it, or myself, and voilà! I was quite confident. If you don't think about things, or at least think about all the reasons why they're false, you can believe in just about anything. And apparently it worked." I took a sip of my soda. "We should've gotten wine by the way."

"Yeah, I know, but she came back so soon and put me on the spot; I hadn't even looked at what they had."

"True. I'll ask her for some when she comes back," I guaranteed.

"What's the movie you're working on now about? You've yet to tell me," she said eagerly, but we were interrupted by the arrival of our food. I waited for our server to walk away before starting again.

"It's kind of a realistic drama. A man and his wife get in this huge argument one night, just a blow-out, and the wife leaves the house to go for a drive, but ends up dying in a car accident. The man is so guilt-ridden and traumatized by it that he vows to never speak again, blaming himself for the incident. He sells his house and moves. It's basically about dealing with depression and forgiving yourself for things beyond your control." She gave me a look and I laughed. "I know, I realized the irony too. Although most of my grief was _not _beyond my control…Anyway, he also befriends and, eventually, falls in love with probably one of the chattiest women on the planet, so that makes for some interesting underlining."

Realization dawned on Bella's face. "So _that's _why you wouldn't practice your lines for me!" she laughed, lightly kicking my shin. "Because you don't even have any!"

I laughed too. "I do. Just not very many. Only in the beginning and the end."

"So he forgives himself?" she mused out loud.

"Yeah, but it's kind of bittersweet because the movie ends as he's _starting _to forgive himself. He hasn't done so completely, it just hints at it. Also, even though you're rooting for him and the girl he meets to get together, and they do, he never actually speaks to her. He only speaks at the end to his wife's grave."

"Sounds like I would cry," she informed me.

"That's the idea," I grinned. "Hell, _I _cried a bit."

She giggled and it was infectious. We passed the meal in much the same way, except I also asked Bella to explain more about her job, and specifically photo-developing.

"I think I'd really like to watch you do that one day," I told her intensely.

She smiled shyly at me. "We'll see. And I think I'd like to see you act. I need to pick up some of your movies. Didn't you do _Romeo and Juliet_?" she smirked. "Even though I now know you don't even like it?"

"Yeah, mainly because of the movie. I had to explore the story and the character so intensely that, when I discovered who Romeo really was, I didn't like him at all. I got contemptuous of the whole thing."

"Maybe your interpretation was flawed?" she suggested, raising an eyebrow. "Now I really have to see it."

I sighed. "I suppose we'll never see eye-to-eye on that story. As many times as you say you've read it, I don't understand what you or anybody else can see in it. It's about fickle people making foolish, rash decisions that they _know _will end badly but…well, hell if they care. The rivalry has no clear reason - "

"That's the point," Bella interrupted, scowling. "It makes it ever-lasting, and also makes it seem sillier and unnecessary - "

" - Fine. Then, I guess the person that really annoys me most is Romeo. He just makes mistake after mistake. He's ridiculous in my opinion. The I-love-Rosaline, wait-no-I-don't-because-I-_saw-_another-girl-and-now-suddenly-I'm-in-head-over-heels-love, wait, she's my mortal enemy! Wait, let me _marry _her. Wait, let me interfere in another person's fight and get my best friend killed, and then kill my wife's cousin and get banished. And then let me cry over getting banished when I should be grateful that I'm still _alive_ - "

"Okay, I get it!" she hissed, looking furious. "I don't agree though. I don't think most of it was his fault."

I stuck a piece of chicken in my mouth stubbornly. "Your prerogative," I muttered. I glanced at my watch and pushed my plate away. Bella had finished a while ago. "Would you like dessert?"

She shook her head. "No way, I'm full. The meal was delicious."

"That works out well then." I caught our waitress's eye and waved her over, handing her my credit card. "We're about ready to go," I told her, smiling. She took my card slowly and walked away, looking slightly dizzy.

"You shouldn't do that," Bella said, shaking her head sympathetically. I gave her a confused look. "Dazzle people. It shouldn't be legal. It could be considered intoxication."

I rolled my eyes, but if she wanted to think of my smile as dazzling then I wasn't going to be the one to set her straight.

"Thank you for dinner," she smiled up at me later on as we were walking down the street toward our next destination. The sun was beginning it's descent to set. "It was really amazing."

I grinned softly down at her, arm around her hips. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm _really_ glad nothing went wr - "

Bella clamped a hand over my hand hurriedly before I could finish. "Do not say that!" she hissed. "Not unless you want to jinx it and ruin everything!"

I nodded, conceding that she had a point. That phrase was basically the kiss and willing embrace of misfortune. She lowered her hand slowly, suspiciously, as if I was about to spit it out just to spite her.

The cars were lining the street next to us, the traffic getting thicker - we were getting close.

We went a few more blocks and turned a corner before she saw it. Bella gasped, a hand going to her mouth. "The Hollywood Bowl?" she asked excitedly. "I always wanted to come here during the summer concert season! Who's playing?"

"It's Tchaikovsky night; they've got an orchestra. I thought you might enjoy the Romeo & Juliet Overture."

Bella suddenly stopped, grabbing my waist and spinning me around to face her. Her arms went around my neck and pulled my face down to hers to press a firm, passionate kiss to my mouth. My other arm joined its twin around her hips and I pulled her closer to me, her body molding to mine. I tried to not get too excited as I felt her breasts flattened against my abs, her soft stomach pressed against my groin, her tongue tasting mine; it'd be an embarrassing problem to deal with in broad daylight.

I may not like the story, but I could see that playing that card could get me some very good points with her.

We broke away and Bella's eyes were bright, her cheeks flushed. She tried to compose herself. "Erm, well let's continue, shall we?" she suggested breathlessly. I chuckled a little, and we commenced on our way.

The Bowl was already crowded when we got there, but I'd already pre-bought tickets, so we didn't have to worry about that part. I'd also bought good ones, in the center of the stadium, with an excellent view of the orchestra. They were expensive, but it wasn't a problem for me and I was hoping Bella wouldn't comment on it.

But she'd already been very lenient during dinner. I should've realized my luck would've run out.

"Wow Edward," she breathed in amazement, looking around the place. It was massive inside. The stage was in front of us, the chairs and instruments already set out. "This must have cost a fortune." She bit her lip, worry in her eyes.

"It was no big deal," I whispered to her, kissing her cheek. I lingered, brushing my nose along her flaming jaw, smelling her ravishing scent again. She smelled better than normal. It was her normal strawberry scent mixed with something floral… "Okay," I groaned. "Tell me what soap you used, because I'm going to have to buy it for you to wear permanently."

"Aw, but then it would get old," she teased, winking at me. I kissed her eyelid, putting my arm around her shoulders. "Umm…I don't know, I think it's freesia scented?"

"Freesia," I murmured. "Hm." Ravishing.

I glanced at my watch and saw it was a little past eight. The sun was sinking. "It should be starting soon," I whispered to Bella. It was only a couple minutes after that the lights in the stadiums dimmed and the ones on the stage brightened. All the members of the orchestra marched on stage and took the seats. Everyone clapped, and Bella shifted in her seat excitedly.

There was a minute or so of preparation before the orchestra began, a fast-paced battle song. Bella leaned closer to me and whispered, "I really wish we'd gotten a program. I would like to know what song this is."

I didn't grab a program because we didn't need one - I was a huge Tchaikovsky fan and was familiar with all his work. I whispered back, "This is Battle of Poltava from _Mazeppa, _an opera."

She looked at me, surprised. "How do you know?"

I shrugged. "I used to play the piano, and Tchaikovsky is one of my favorite artists."

"You used to play piano?" she murmured.

"Used to."

"Now I really want to hear you play," she whispered excitedly.

I breathed a laugh of denial. "No, it's been years."

She snorted. "I'm sure you could do it."

"Hm." I pursed my lips. "We can talk about this later. Enjoy this for now," I said, gesturing with my head around us, indicating the music in the air. Nodding, she leaned her head against my shoulder contently.

Battle of Poltava ended, and we all gave a tumultuous round of applause again. The next song began with the flare of trumpets and violins and I smiled, settling back into my seat comfortably. I leaned down to whisper in Bella's ear before she had to ask, "This is called Piano Concerto No. 1. It's quite long, and very beautiful."

I ran my hand through the loose tendrils around her face as I listened to the moving music, wishing her hair was down so I could run my hands through all of it. The concerto went on, and as it got darker it also got colder. I felt Bella's skin erupt in goose bumps and imagined how cold she must be in her tiny dress. I sat up a bit and removed my arm from around her so I could take my jacket off, handing it to her. She beamed at me in thanks, making my heart thump with its radiance. She put her arms through the sleeves in front, smoothing the end of it over the tops of her thighs. I put my arm back around her, wishing I could warm her up more.

I watched the pianist on stage, and memories of lessons and compositions flitted around my brain. I had gotten my piano moved into storage a couple years ago from my mother's house when she passed away. Could I start up again? I envisioned doing so. I envisioned Bella watching me play. I leaned my cheek against her hair and inhaled, thinking, contemplating.

The concerto gave way to a short piece from Sleeping Beauty, The Lilac Fairy. I whispered as much to Bella. That very soon gave way to the Romeo & Juliet Overture. I'll admit, though I felt only contempt for the story, there was no denying the beauty and movement in the composition. It overflowed with beauty and love and longing and conflict. Bittersweet. Specifically the beginning love theme.

I looked down at Bella and wasn't completely surprised to find that she was crying. It was the feeling of the story she loved so much flowing around us in music form. I looked around, and many of the women in the audience were a bit bright-eyed. I gently wiped the tears from her face with my fingertips, kissing her forehead.

The show ended with the 1812 Overture and fireworks. The crowd oohed and aahed, while I watched peacefully, silently, observing the quiet joy and magic in Bella's face as she watched too.

The crown began to disperse, and I held Bella's hand as we made our way silently through the stadium, back to the sidewalk that would lead us the car. We didn't talk, but it was a peaceful silence, as we were each lost in our own thoughts. She still wore my jacket, though she was wearing it the correct way now.

I suppose I'm the one who jinxed it. We had just reached the car when I thought, 'That all went really well.'

That was when the unmistakable flash of a camera bulb went off behind us.

**

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*Link for Bella's dress on profile.

I apologize profusely for the wait! Hopefully this made up for it. But summer is on, so I should have more updating time.

**Firstly, I really have no idea if Edward's movie exists or not, I just made it up. I've never seen one like it, but there's a movie of just about everything, so who knows. Also, that's not a challenge to find one because I like the idea of it being original, lol. Secondly, I really love Tchaikovsky as well, and the Hollywood Bowl does hold a night of his works, excitingly enough. And thirdly, I like the quote for Edward's part of the chapter because it was only after I wrote it that I realized how much I made him talk. But that's okay, he had interesting things to say.  
**

**Had writer's block and wrote a one-shot the other day to clear it: it's called 'It Should Be Me,' go check it out please!**

**Thank you and drop me a thought! **

**By the way I just finished the detailed outline of the end, and I guarantee, if you saw the end, with this beginning, you'd be like, "How the hell did we end up **_**here**_**?" It's gonna be a fun ride ;)**

**- The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	8. Vivian and Wally and ?

**Author's Note: Hey all! For all those asking if the other Cullens will be in the story - indeed they shall. Every single one of them. You've already met one, but you probably didn't recognize it. You'll meet this Cullen again at the end. Be prepared: this Cullen's problem is much more serious and darker than Edward and Bella's. Now on with the show!**

_

* * *

_

I suppose I'm the one who jinxed it. We had just reached the car when I thought, 'That all went really well.'

_That was when the unmistakable flash of a camera bulb went off behind us._

**

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BPOV**

_Oh, just when you think you're in control,  
__Just when you think you've got a hold,  
__Just when you get on a roll.  
__Oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again._

**Here It Goes Again **by OK Go

"Oh shit," Edward muttered. We both turned our heads to look behind us.

There was a man in black slacks and a wrinkled white oxford shirt, his tie artfully loosened, with his camera to his face. There was another bright flash that made me cringe and automatically throw my hand over my eyes. I was usually on the other side of these bright flashes. Not the one they were directed at.

"Edward Masen!" said the man excitedly. "Who is this pretty lady here?"

The man's loud, carrying voice caused a couple heads to turn as my eyes scanned habitually. I heard low murmurs, Edward's name prominent in them. And I felt, for one of the few times in my life (and for the first time for a reason other than me falling down and breaking something loudly) many pairs of eyes on myself.

The whole exchange and effect took place in maybe ten seconds. I looked up at Edward but his hand, which had never left the small of my back, started pressing firmly down, guiding me around the car to the passenger side. "She's my girlfriend," he replied shortly, opening my door and helping me inside, his face tense. I wanted to say something to comfort him but he was already shutting my door.

I still heard the loud squawk of a female, shouting, "What!?"

There were more flashes and the growing of a crowd, excited babble flowing outside the car. Two more paparazzi members had joined the man with the camera.

"What's her name?" one of them shouted.

"How long have you been together?"

"How serious is it Edward?"

"What are your feelings on open relationships?"

But Edward was already in the car and shutting the door at this point, scowling. He started the car, not bothering with his seatbelt, an action that made me frown - but I thought it wise not to say anything. I was still kind of dazed from everything that had occurred in the past minute. There was a small crowd in front of the car already, and a larger one gathering on the sidewalk. How could so many people descend on one location so _quickly_?

Edward honked impatiently and revved his engine threateningly, forcing the braver gawkers out of the road. He entered traffic quickly with only half a glance over his shoulder before he sped off. I automatically gripped the door handle and the console, my knuckles turning white.

"I'm pretty sure this is over the speed limit," I gasped.

"I'm pretty sure we'll be fine," he retorted sordidly. His expression could've been chiseled from stone, but then he glanced over at me for the first time and something in my expression must have grounded him, for he seemed to soften slightly. I watched the needle on the speedometer relax its way down some. I breathed out a sigh of relief and finally let my death grips loosen. A lot of the tension released from my body then, letting me know exactly how tight I'd been wound. My hand prints were embedded deep into the black leather, very slowly inflating back to their normal stature.

I glanced at Edward and his eyes were on the road, his mouth a hard line again. I stared at him, before cautiously reaching out a hand to touch his jaw with my fingertips. "It's okay," I said quietly, feeling like this was what he needed to hear. "Edward."

He breathed out gradually, in controlled measurements. "Give me a minute," he said.

I nodded and settled back into my seat, hoping that that hadn't ruined the night. _I _was fine. Maybe it just hadn't sunk in yet, but the weight had passed and in my - maybe naïve - estimation, I thought it could have gone a lot worse. I just wasn't sure if _Edward _was all right.

Finally, he sighed. His grip on the steering wheel loosened. "I'm sorry Bella," he said wearily. "That's exactly what I was afraid would happen."

"It's fine, really Edward, I…I don't know, it wasn't…_that_ bad, was it?"

"It could have been worse, yes," he agreed grimly. "But they've got a picture of you now, so they'll figure out your name soon enough. And then all hell will descend on you." He grimaced. "It'll be even worse now that they know I have a relationship with you. But I knew if I didn't say that they would've turned it into something worse, and I didn't want that to happen to you either…"

"You don't have to apologize all the time Edward," I told him patiently. "I know you have a good reason for whatever you do, and you also have experience. I thought you handled it really smoothly," I admitted. I grinned a little. "Now that I think about it, it's rather impressive. I was just frozen."

"Because it's your first t - " He broke off as he looked into his rearview mirror. His eyes narrowed. "Hold on a second," he muttered. "I think I know that car…"

He peered closer into the mirror, his eyes only glancing onto the road every few seconds, making me edgy again. My hand started to creep back to the door…

"Dammit!" he suddenly hissed. He made a sharp right turn at the next block which had me holding on for dear life.

"What is it this time?" I asked through clenched teeth, the blood draining from my hands again.

He scowled. "Only one of the most devoted and craziest journalists I've ever met, and her team. Her name is Jessica Stanley. She writes for one of those online gossip sites. My picture and crazy articles about me are all over it thanks to her. She barely gives me a moments peace to breathe. I've avoided her for some time now, miraculously, but that's blown I guess." He grit his teeth and glanced at me. "You've told me before that you hate crazy driving so you might want to close your eyes. It's going to take quite a lot to lose her. Trust me, I know."

So I did as he suggested (because it was probably the best option for me) and squeezed my eyes shut, biting my lip hard and trying to ignore the fact that we never seemed to slow down, stop, take gentle turns, or anything to suggest a proper adherence to traffic rules and regulations.

To try to distract myself as much as possible from the sick clamping in my stomach (and hoping that I wasn't distracting _him_) I asked, "So, how long has this been going on between you two?"

He snorted. "Basically since she found out I was into acting and I wasn't bad at it." He huffed, then admitted, "I used to go to high school with her."

"Woah!" My eyes shot open, and my jaw dropped in surprise. I was so startled I didn't even pay attention to the blur of scenery outside his window, and especially the fact that it _shouldn't _have been a blur. "No way! Small world."

"That's what I thought." He paused for a moment, before making another sharp turn that made my eyes close. "I think a part of it is that she's bitter I never wanted to go out with her. And insulted. Which is why she's so dogmatic with making me miserable. "

I felt a small glimmer of smugness shove aside the nausea in my stomach, thinking that though many people had undoubtedly desired (and still desire) him, _I _was the one he chose.

"To be honest though, I'm not that surprised this is her job," he continued dourly. "Gossiping was the one thing she was good at, and probably her only passion."

He glanced into the rearview mirror again and breathed a sigh of relief. I finally felt the car decrease to an appropriate speed, and I mirrored his relieved sigh. "I think we lost her," he said triumphantly.

My hands were numb from their grip, my posture rigid. I slowly let myself relax bit by bit. The tension didn't entirely leave me this time though, because I was just waiting for us to resume this street race thing we'd had going on.

I let myself look out the window for the first time, now that I was sure I wasn't going to throw up. "Uh, where are we?"

"Hmm…an excellent question. I'm not quite sure," he answered thoughtfully. He pulled over to the side of the road then, parking, and I let myself relax completely. He pulled out his phone. "I have a Navigator on this thing, so that should tell us where we are, and from there I can figure out how to get us back."

I asked my next curiosity. "Back where? Where are we going?"

Edward ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Well…I know our date has gotten a bit…messed up toward the end here…But I suppose it is customary for me to take you home. If you want," he added quickly. "But I don't really want to take you to my place right now, there will probably be paps all over the area." He sighed. "At the same time, I hope nobody ends up following us to your house, so you don't end up stalked." He stared broodingly into his steering wheel. "I don't know how to make this work."

"Sweetheart," I said gently, reaching across the console to touch the back of his hand gently. "I can tell I'm going to have to tell you this a million times and that's okay but - really, it's fine. It's working. All you're doing now is holding off the inevitable and I appreciate that. But I want to be with you and if that means putting up with all kinds of craziness I'm willing to do it. And if you want to be with me…"

He gave me a sour look, as if insulted that I questioned it.

I continued. "Then there's no way to avoid it long-term, and we'll deal with it. Okay? If you're already beating yourself up over it, then you're right, there _is _no way to make this work."

He acquiesced, nodding before chuckling darkly, shaking his head. "It's unbelievable that _you're _the one trying to cheer _me _up right now. You're the one who should be freaking out."

I shrugged. "I've always had a pretty calm head. Freaking out isn't my style." I grinned at him. "I guess it's yours."

He pinched my side and I giggled, slinking away from him as much as I could in the small space.

Edward examined his car with a thoughtful air. "I think I should invest in a maybe more nondescript car," he acknowledged, frowning. He ran a loving hand over the dashboard. "She's the reason I walk most of the time. But I love my Vanquish. She's so…beautiful. And perfect. Every man's dream…"

"She? Maybe I should step out and give you two a moment," I suggested derisively.

"Oh, it's not like you're not about to elope with my refrigerator," he shot back. "And her name is Vivian, for your information. Vivian the Vanquish."

I laughed out loud at that, throwing my head back. And that was the end of my poor chopstick bun, that had held up remarkably well all evening. The chopsticks loosened and fell out, letting my hair tumble freely down my back.

Edward's hand came over to lightly run through my hair, his eyes sweeping over my body. "I know this may be bad timing, but is it so very wrong of me to appreciate how mind-blowingly gorgeous you look right now?"

I blushed and smiled shyly. I still wasn't used to being complimented. I might never be. In my world, the only person who ever complimented me on my looks were my mother and father - and how much can you really believe them? And even in the world in general, forgetting about me, most guys just _don't _give amazing compliments. So it made it so very startling to hear every time Edward gave me one.

My eyes swept over his hand-run, wind-swept hair, coupled with his naturally bed-head look; down his striking, angular face; to his amazing body - his debonair grey suit, slightly rumpled, only enhancing his handsome, almost rugged appearance. It took my breath away.

I licked my lips unconsciously, and saw Edward's eyes darken.

"I should get you home," he said quietly.

I nodded in agreement, feeling a tingling start between my legs. I wanted so badly to rub my thighs together to quench it, but was scared that would just make it worse.

Edward pulled out of the space and entered traffic again, following the rules this time as he drove me back to my apartment, his eyes glancing at me periodically; I also noticed that he took as many back roads and side streets as possible.

Twenty minutes later, Edward was parking in a hidden, out-of-the-way space in the lot at my complex, no doubt trying to keep the flashy piece of machinery from catching the wrong people's eye.

Edward, always the gentleman, helped me out of the car - a gesture I still wasn't used to, similar to the compliments - his eyes lingering on my legs a little bit longer than necessary. I smiled to myself. He held my hand and we walked in companionable silence to my building, and up the stairs to my number.

I turned to face him in front of my door. The night was quiet here, the yellow glow of the light over our heads giving this a slightly cliché feel. And then there was the fact that this was Edward Masen, who drove an expensive sports car and lived in a pent house. I began to feel nervous - I had been planning on inviting him in, but I wasn't so sure I wanted to anymore.

I decided to just try to ignore it for now, and continue with the date cliché. I smiled up at him. "I had a really good time tonight," I said sincerely, trying to hide my smirk.

He grinned back and rolled his eyes, but he said, "I had a really good time too."

I fiddled with my keys in my purse, giving him time to kiss me.

He cleared his throat, shuffling his feet. "This was always the most awkward part of dates to me," he muttered. "Look at this; I'm suddenly nervous to kiss you and it's not even the first time!"

I laughed. "Am I going to have to instigate this?" I teased. "Because that's not really sexy on my end."

He ignored that and finally placed his hand underneath my chin, tilting my face up. My eyes fluttered closed as he came closer, and I finally felt his smooth, delicious mouth on mine again. This wasn't the first time we'd kissed today, but it felt like it was.

This was my first real date after all, even if it wasn't Edward's.

His mouth moved quietly, softly with mine for a minute. He kept it chaste, the way a kiss at the end of a first date should be, but it lit my body aflame and worsened the aching between my legs all the same. This was a problem. I still didn't know if I wanted him to come in.

He broke the kiss, and after one more gentle press on the corner of my mouth I was left looking up at him through star-struck eyes.

He grinned crookedly at me and I just wanted to attack him. But the yellow light above us caught my attention again, with its fluttering bugs and moths surrounding it. I thought of that in contrast to the beautiful, bright lighting coming from chandeliers in his building's lobby and the worrisome, self-deprecating part of me decided to just let this end as it was.

I fumbled the key in the lock and then leaned my back against it with my hand on the doorknob, ready to go inside when he turned away. "Night," I said, smiling to soften the blow.

He looked dreadfully confused. "You're not going to invite me in?"

My mouth twisted. "I don't think that happens at the end of first dates."

He gave me a look, and called me out on my BS. "I don't think this is a normal first date, Bella. Why don't you _really _want me to come in?"

My face burned with chagrin and embarrassment. How did he know me so well? I avoided his eyes as I answered. "Fine. Because this place is kind of on the lower end of things, and it's definitely not what you're used to…I'm just embarrassed I guess."

He was looking downright angry now. "Do you honestly believe I care?" he demanded.

"I honestly believe that it's human nature to notice things. It's impossible not to," I answered carefully.

He crossed his arms, glaring. When he glared his brow jutted forward, almost caveman like - though no caveman had ever looked as sexy doing it as he had - and that action immersed his eyes in shadow, making him look almost…dangerous.

"You do understand you are being absurd, correct?" he asked coldly. Uh-oh. He was busting out the formal speech. That was a bad sign.

I decided not to answer and as nonchalantly as I could examined my fingernail. "Well…good night, again."

I opened my door then and slunk inside, shutting it abruptly before he could do anything.

I leaned against my door, chewing on the side of my nail. I was already regretting my decision. I realized how insulting this must be to him, that I thought he would look down on me just because my income was significantly lower. And I knew he wouldn't. It was just my own instinctive, irrational fear.

I made my decision only a few seconds after I closed the door and sighed, opening it again. Edward was still there, frozen with shock and, if I was reading his face right, hurt. Guilt stabbed me, and I reached my hand out for his, pulling him inside.

"Sorry," I apologized as I shut my door again, except with him on the same side as me this time, and flipped on my foyer light. I toed off my shoes and kicked them into a small alcove meant for them.

"It's okay," he accepted quietly. "I suppose it's understandable." He took off his shoes too, and I walked farther into my apartment, turning on the lights in the living room, the kitchen, and the short hallway, lighting the entire place - save my bedroom - up.

"It's not much," I muttered when I walked back into the living room, but Edward wasn't listening. He was staring, transfixed, at my wall.

Ah. My wall. My one pride and glory in this tiny home.

"I see you noticed my wall," I laughed. I walked up beside him, crossing my arms. "I didn't think to name it like you named your car, but I guess we could call him Wally."

"This is…" he whispered. "…Amazing."

I blushed, and appraised the wall again. It was covered from ceiling to floor, side to side, in pictures I'd taken that weren't in my album - either because I didn't think they were good enough, or because I already had a similar picture in it, or because I had a copy of the picture. I'd probably ruined the wall by doing so, but I didn't want to ruin the photograph by placing tacks in it, so I'd put them on the wall using rolls and rolls of that double-sided tape. It was a wonderful collage.

As it was full, and I didn't want to overlap, I had started placing pictures on another wall, but it was only a thin strip, and this was the wall that drew the eye.

It had black and whites and colored. There were pictures of millions of things. Flowers, grass, the beach, the sun, trees, nature; children blowing bubbles, people holding hands, snaps of shoes, clothes, arms, and legs, all accidentally set in the most perfect candid pose, waiting for me to capture it; I had silhouettes and faces, pictures of words and phrases on buildings and sidewalks, people with every range of emotion, laughing, crying, staring, thinking. Random objects that were beautiful when shot at the perfect angle. I had pictures to show people the purity of rain and prove the creepiness of an up-close butterfly without its wings to distract you. I had a world all of my own, even though they were all shots of things available to anyone; but not these particular moments. Those were entirely mine. I owned time.

I bit the end of the thumb as I stared my photographs. They were okay, but most of them were painfully mediocre to me; I had so much learning to do.

"Well you said you wanted to see some of my pictures," I said, awkwardly rubbing my neck, thinking back on those reoccurring arguments in the book store.

Edward walked closer, his mouth hanging open. "Wow…" he breathed. He rounded on me then. "Explain to me _why, _again, you haven't showed your album to any agencies? Bella, you have a talent! You could be world-renowned already."

I snorted. "Edward, you're going to forgive me if I don't take you too seriously, but you're looking at these through amateur eyes. An agency would look at these and laugh in my face."

"You know what I think?" he scowled.

"I don't care what you think."

"_I _think you just don't believe in yourself, though it's ridiculous because these are amazing, and I'm sure the ones in your album are even better."

I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, promise me that soon, one day very soon, you will go to some good agency and give them your portfolio. I mean, what's the harm in trying? I already know you'd be hired," he said, his eyes filled with that same star-struck gaze I'd been giving him not too long ago. As if I was amazing.

I frowned, shaking my head. He didn't understand.

"Do I have to convince you?" he asked, and his loving look abruptly switched to something much more primal; something that lit my body aflame again. He stepped towards me.

I took a step back automatically, gulping. He grinned devilishly at me. "M-maybe," I stuttered, watching him as hungrily as he watched me.

His eyes roved over my body once more, staring at my thighs.

"You know that dress has been killing me softly all night right?" he murmured, before closing the remaining gap between us and lifting me into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my dress riding up over my hips.

His darkened eyes watched the action before meeting mine, his parted lips sending a surge of heat through my center again. "Much better," he whispered, rubbing my thigh, almost brushing my underwear.

He started walking me toward the hall that led to my bedroom and I could only think to ask, "You really like carrying me, don't you?"

"And you like being carried. Which one?" he asked, gesturing between the door to my bathroom and the door to my room. I gripped the knob to the right and we stumbled through.

His eyes did an automatic sweep of my room, but he soon returned them to me. I was glad he wasn't going to over-analyze anything right now.

"And my bed is right there," I teased, pointing to purple-covered, full-sized mattress behind me.

"Who needs a bed?" Edward purred, his eyes glinting.

I gasped before he kicked my door shut and spun us around, pressing me firmly against it. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he bent down to mine, kissing slowly up towards my jaw. "No…I think I want to take you right here," he murmured softly.

"O-okay," I moaned, feeling intensely turned on by the proposition of this new position, but then he set me down on my feet. Before I could protest - maybe I _did _like being held - I felt his hands on the bottom of my dress, lifting it over my head. He groaned at my white undergarments.

"Erm," I squirmed under his gaze, "They're not silky and lacy or anything, but they were white so…"

"White is perfect," he mumbled as he pressed his lips to mine, almost hard. I fumbled with his belt as he peeled his shirt off. "It makes you look like a sweet angel…that I just want to fuck the innocent right out of."

I gasped again, shocked but so, so very turned on. Edward met my eyes almost worriedly. "Was that too much?" he asked nervously.

I tugged his hair until my lips were at his ear and whispered, "Why don't you fuck the innocent right out of me, and then we'll see?"

He let loose almost a snarl, and tore my underwear off - literally, _ripped _them. I didn't even know that was _possible_. I thought that was just a term people used, but it was real! My skin stung where the fabric was forced to rip but that just added to my arousal. I hurriedly scrambled my fingers into the waistband of his boxers and slid them down as fast as I could.

Edward's arms hoisted me up again, pressing me against the door, his hard body pushed against me. I felt his cock tease my entrance and whimpered, kissing him again. He broke from my lips enough to whisper, "So, are you going to show your portfolio to anyone?"

"No," I hissed, aggravated and horny out of my mind because of his teasing. I could still feel him pressed lightly into me, only one good thrust away from sweet completeness. I tried rocking my hips to gain some much needed friction, but he wasn't having it. One of his arms pushed my hips tightly to the door, keeping them from moving.

"That's really a shame," he said silkily against my ear, his voice a deep rumble in his chest. I could hear the smile in his voice. He was _enjoying _teasing me. I pressed my nails deep into his shoulders and he sighed contentedly. "Mmm…like it when you're rough," he grinned. "But about those agencies…"

"I'll think about it," I snapped, struggling against his firm hold.

"Tut tut…not good enough. But maybe I can change your mind this way…" He let go of my hips and finally, mercifully slid into me. We both let out breaths of relief and he began to move, slowly at first, thrusting me lightly against my door.

Our eyes met and he leaned his forehead against mine as his eyelids and breathing grew heavier, his cock stretching me perfectly, filling me. But I still needed more.

"You know," I panted. "Whenever I think of _fucking_, I think of something much harder and faster."

His mouth parted and his eyes darkened, his cock growing impossibly harder inside of me. "Is that what you want?" he growled softly. "For me to bang you so hard all your neighbors can hear you screaming?"

I was loving this dirty talk stuff. "Yes," I gasped back. "Yes, please, make me scream…"

Kissing my lips hard again, he pulled almost all the way back out before slamming back inside. I couldn't help but to cry out, trying to adjust to this new pace but he wasn't pausing or hesitating, instead slamming into me again before I could even register the first mind-blowing thrust. He kept it up, and he _did _have me screaming because I just couldn't handle this - it felt too good, so intense and all at once and I never had a break to process it but that was making it better. My door was rattling and so were the objects on my walls as my body was crashed again and again against it. I finally understood the expression getting 'banged.'

I was so close to the edge. Biting my lip and whimpering constantly, I tried reaching down to rub my nub, that last bit of contact I needed to climax, but Edward grabbed my wrist, pressing it against the door next to my head. "No," he huffed, never ceasing his hard banging of my body. Sweat dripped down the side of his face and I would've licked it if I wasn't so frustrated at his clit-block. "Not yet. Not until you agree to go to an agency and show them…"

"Ohhhh!" I hissed through clenched teeth. I was so desperate for a release at this point, my body was aching with the need. "Fine! Fine, you controlling bastard, just please, please make me come," I begged.

He smirked his foudroyant smile at me and I still couldn't help but to be attracted to it, turned on by it. His hand reached between us and pressed firmly against my nub, rubbing it just as I needed. Within seconds I was coming, screaming his name and 'yes' repeatedly. He thrust thrice more before stilling, his head resting against my shoulder as he came, an added wet heat inside me.

Panting for air, we both slid down to the floor, not ready to move to the bed quite yet. I rested on his chest, kissing his mouth repeatedly. "My neighbors better not call the cops," I muttered to him, but the warning was lost against the happy smile on my face. "And thank you for being a controlling bastard. It might be what I needed."

He grinned at me before glancing at my bed. "C'mon," he said, taking my hand and pulling us up. "I've really been looking forward to falling asleep in something that smells entirely of you."

"What makes you think you're staying?" I challenged teasingly.

But he just kissed me again as we fell back on my bed, and promptly made me forget all about it.

**

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**Esme POV**

_I know, it's asking for your benediction,  
__I know, I know,  
__I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster._

**I Know **by Placebo

I hummed tunelessly as I closed up shop. I knew I was just an employee - though a highly ranked employee - and didn't own the place, but sometimes it felt like it.

I pulled down the metal grates in front of the door and windows, effectively locking up for the night. I would leave out the back way when I was done, using the key I was given to lock that too.

I dusted my hands off and stood back up, the last grate in place. I walked into the back room behind the check-out counter and flipped the power switches off. The building buzzed as it darkened, the only lighting being the emergency ones in the ceiling, casting their dim greenish-blue glow.

I ceased my humming when I walked back out, locking up the back room. I leaned against the desk for the moment, just taking a second to breathe. I looked around with no particular goal in mind and my eyes landed on a stack of the new shipment of 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' books. I quickly looked away before the lump formed in my throat, but my hand was a filthy traitor, automatically hovering over my stomach, where there had once been a life growing inside of me.

Breathing in deeply, I looked up at the ceiling, with its poor emergency lighting, and blinked back the tears.

Pushing off the desk, I shrugged on my jacket and began walking towards the back exit. My eyes scanned habitually around, even though I knew there was no one here. The only person I knew who would've been anyway hadn't come in today. I had a guess as to why. In a way I was relieved. I'd grown fond of Bella, a sweet girl who had haunted this book store for quite a few months now. I had always wondered why a nice, pretty girl like her had no where else to be, and was glad that she had seemed to finally find someone.

That 'someone' was the only downside to it though - not for her, but maybe for me. I hoped not for me. I remembered the first time I'd seen him in here, a little over a month ago; I had recognized his face immediately, having seen one or two of his films. I was shocked. Though I now resided in a city known for its stars, he was the first famous person to ever come in here. That was sort of the point in me choosing to work in this book store. Hollywood would be the last place Charles would ever look for me. What could be a worse place to hide than somewhere where it was possible for me to be accidentally photographed and put into a newspaper? He knew I knew how intelligent and resourceful he was. But that was my reasoning. He would never think to search here. And by working in an out-of-the-way bookstore, I was perfectly safe from being photographed or mentioned with any famous stars.

Until Edward Masen entered my bookstore. I remembered that first douse of ice cold fear that chilled my entire body, before I put my head back together and came back to myself; telling them it was closing time before they could get worried. But I was worried.

So far though, it hasn't been a problem. Whatever that man was doing, he was doing a spectacular job of keeping any paparazzi from tailing him here on the nights he came - which was every night for the past month or so until tonight.

I still couldn't erase the sick feeling creeping on to me though. The feeling that my brilliant plan was going to backfire very soon.

I hoped it wouldn't. I so did. I'd been living here comfortably for the past six months - the longest time in the past two years that I'd lived in one place. And I'd only recently begun to live my life without looking over my shoulder all day and all night.

For the most part.

And it was all because of Charles Evenson, my ex-husband; and my worst nightmare. Sometimes when it's late at night, and I'm too exhausted to block it out, I backtrack in my mind and try to figure out what happened. _How _this happened. How this became my life.

I married him when I was twenty-four. He had seemed like such a wonderful, perfect man. I wonder now if he really was, or if he just put on a good face. The first year and a half of our marriage was fine. I was content. And then something happened, right before I got pregnant. Something changed, shifted inside of him. Maybe it was the _real _him, someone he'd suppressed. Or maybe he just went crazy. I don't know and I hope I never know because that will mean I'd have to see him again. But he became cruel - and violent. Started abusing me. It scared me. The shift was so sudden I didn't know what to do. I kept telling myself that it would pass, that it was a phase. That he would go back to normal, hopefully before the baby was born. Because I knew if he was still abusing me by then, then I would have to leave, because I couldn't raise a child in that environment; I wouldn't.

_But it didn't matter_, I thought bitterly, locking the back door behind me and looking over my shoulder both ways.

At six months, in one of his violent whirls, Charles pushed me down the stairs of our home and I miscarriaged. I knew then, even through my despairing haze, that I was going to have to leave him.

But Charles didn't like that. Not one bit. He found me the day after I'd fled from him.

And tried to kill me. I barely escaped. I'd never thought much about death. Never thought that it applied to _me_. Not yet. But Charles changed that foolish notion for me.

I knew then my problems were much more serious than I'd anticipated.

I was constantly in danger, and I live on the run.

The police can't help. I have no doubt in my mind that Charles is insane, but insane or not, he is undeniably brilliant; clever. On my run to escape him, he's caught up with me every time and escaped the police each time they've been called too.

I went through so many towns, so many cities, so many states, so many alibis.

This was my last plan, my last desperate attempt, my 'Obvious' strategy - my alibi was even my middle name, that's how obvious I was being - before I decided to leave this continent altogether.

But it was working.

I'd been able to live here for six months, and there was no sign of him. It was too much to hope that he had given up - Charles was mad and obsessive. I knew he wouldn't rest until he ...killed me.

But maybe that didn't matter, because maybe I'd finally found the one place where he could look all he wanted, and never find me. Maybe.

It was a cloak-and-dagger life. It was no way to live.

But at least I was alive.

And there were times now when I could really breathe again.

I didn't know how long it could last, but I hoped for the best all the same.

As I walked down the sidewalk, I felt the age-old habit itch at my neck. I tried to hold it off, but my instinct gave way. I couldn't help but to look over my shoulder. Nothing. But I still walked faster, sighing in exhaustion, wishing for a day when this could just be over with.

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Thank you guys so much for all the awesome reviews!!! Seriously, so great!

**Yeah, this story is going to be something much bigger than just Edward and Bella =] But it's still their story, so I don't think we'll see Esme that much again for a little bit. Hope everything goes well for her in the mean time. But she will eventually play a big part, and so will the rest of the Cullens! Remember, they all have their own lives too, so they're not going to all conveniently run into each other on the street.**

**Though that would be totally awesome.**

**Would love to hear what you guys think! I'm probably forgetting something, but whatever. I'm just happy to have gotten a chapter out again. I have updated a lot of other things though, which is why this was delayed.**

***Check out my new story, _Untouchable_, please! I'd super-appreciate it =]**

**- The Romanticidal Edwardian**


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